I’m siiting alone in a sunny room yet it feels terrible dark.
I messed up a relationship that had just healed and was growing.
It was not intentional. No one ever sets out to intentionally hurt someone they care about.
Lately l cry alot. I’m beginning to feel like there is no way out except a nap for many days, hoping that the pain and self anger will be gone when l wake up
I have learned suicide is not the answer. It is permanent not only does the pain end, everything ceases including my existence
I used to say the sun was inside of us, but lately there is only the darkness of pain, loneliness and fear.
I have been trying to get the sun inside again but it is refusing to shine.lt has been blocked by a horrible darkness that comes from isolation, paranoia and shame.
Paranoia has set in again. Each time worse than the last. Sometimes it is paralyzing.
Today is the worst. I have been up since yesterday. I am afraid for the day and even more afraid of the night. Now it is dark in me even though the sun is shining. It is worse at night because the darkness is everywhere. There is no escaping.
As l sit in this internal place of darkness, fears grips me and l wonder, will l be able to sleep tonight or will the darkness still be there