Have you ever tried to explain the rage of mania or the black hole of depression to family members or friends?
My personal philosophy is that if you have not lived it yourself, you don’t understand. You cannot possibly understand all the emotions I feel when the symptoms of mania and mania itself comes front and center. No one can understand the black hole of depression if they have not been there.
One day when stinking thinking was very strong, I asked my friend some questions that indicated I was unsure if we were still friends because of an incident that did not involve me, but I was around when it happened. Earlier that day we had a discussion about some things and he took it as a personal attack and it was not intended that way.
Stinking thinking said its all your fault. See they did not call to let you know they were home, they are ignoring your text messages. They do not want to be friends with you, etc.
I shared my concerns with my friend who assured me there was no problem. I told what I had been thinking and that it was part of my illness to blame myself for everything. Their comment was something to the effect of , “I know and I am trying to make allowances for that”
Are you serious, I wanted to ask. You live with a mental illness as well. What about the times I make allowances for you, when you need to talk or yell at someone or I try to help ease the pain of suffering. What about the allowances I make when I feel like you are putting people down when they are down. You don’t mean to but that is how it comes across and yet I am still there to be your friend. If this person with a mental illness cannot understand the rage of mania, the irrational thinking and everything else that goes with having bipolar, how can we believe others understand.
Maybe some do, but it is my belief that most don’t.
It would not be the first time I was wrong and most definitely not the last.
This comment annoyed me because this person suffers with depression. Isn’t that also a sick brain like people with bipolar or any other type of mental illness?
I give the people in our life credit for trying to understand, nevertheless, I think people need to take a step back and look inside their mind and they will realize they really don’t understand. People can see what we do and hear what we say, but they do not understand how our mind is working at that moment. I don’t even understand except I do know how it feels. I am not mean on purpose, nor do I go to rage at the speed of 0 to 100 twice as fast as you. It is the illness. I don’t mean to be irritable, uncooperative and stayed in the bed, not get dressed and do not want the blinds open. I just want to be left alone, to deal with my pain. The pain in my mind and the pain in my body.
I compare their level of understanding to a woman who just had a baby. She can tell her friends what it is like to carry a baby, go into labor and to deliver the baby. Her friends will never understand what those experiences feel like until the same happens to them.
They can see the symptoms, but they cannot figure out the why. It is too complex. I don’t even fully understand it. But it is enough for me to know, simply, my brain is sick.
No one can understand the indescribable pain in the pit of the stomach when depression. It is a pain that I have never experienced before and only when major depression stays for a while.
Let me just say, when in labor there is a lot of pain. The difference is that you know as soon as that baby comes through and enters this world, the pain soon goes away.
There is no time frame for our pain to end. It could in days, months and I know who have been in pain for years.
I guess I took the long way to say, do they really, truly, honestly understand our illness?
Be good to you and remember that you are a beautiful, unique and wonderful person. No matter how many people have bipolar, none of us are the same.
love to all
Passionately with peace, seeking to be a positive person for myself and for others.