Another kind of storm with my bipolar

Been up since about 4:30 am.  It’s all good.  I like to get up early before daybreak.  It used to be the calmest part of my day.  Now sometimes it is, but most of the time it is only the beginning of the anxiousness, restlessness and a productive day.  Productive because I seem to just keep going.  

Furniture, papers, everything gets moved.  Not just place to place but sometimes from one room to another.   The living room make look one way today.  Fully furnished and then by tonight something is missing because it was moved to another room.

Right now I have a few projects (remember the project board and the pads in every room?) going on at the same time.  They are not all related to mental health.  After all, we were diagnosed with bipolar, but that does not define who we are, what we live to be.  We learn to change our lifestyle to one that works for our wellness.  In saying that, I say, because we are more than bipolar, our projects should be more than just mental health projects.  We are creative,  We are photographers, writers, active parents, bosses at jobs, really nice bosses to ourselves (we have to check in with ourself and give ourself a mental health break, even just a few minutes walking outdoors or sitting in the car.)

My other kind of storm is when I go physically go from project to project in the home.  Changing things in the home usually ends up a big mess, with me finding it difficult to function, to think, to organize.  So what do I do, I grab my keys and leave.  The outside is open space.  I stay out for a while and hope that I do not come back with only a few pennies left in my wallet.  (Good luck with that one, I say to myself)

I come back home and find the least cluttered room to start.  I cannot go to bed or lay down until all the rooms are in some type of order.  Only 1 can be a mess.  That’s the one I close the physical and mental door on until morning.  Once that is done I literally just drop to the floor, the bed, the couch, the yoga mat or whatever.  I stay there and sleep until whenever.  Get a cup of coffee and off we go again.  And no, it is not the caffeine.  I wake up anxious sometimes.  Other times, I stay up late, refusing to go to bed until what has to be done is done, although it doesn’t have to be done today, only in my mind.

What kind of storms do you have?  Do you have any bipolar storms.  What are your episodes (storms like when you are manic or depressed).

pb a.k.a peanut butter

 

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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