The uncontrollable bipolar switch.

It is unfortunate that the way we can control a physical light switch, we cannot control the biploar mood light switch.  I was fine this morning.  A little out of it when I got up, so I tried to do some 5 minute yoga, which usually helps just to clean my head enough to get a jump on daybreak.  I like being up and running before the daylight comes in.    I had a hard time concentrating on things I wanted to get accomplished.  I am getting there but not without a fight.

It is only 11:24 am eastern time and I just want to go make the whole house dark and go back to bed with the covers over my face, but I can’t and that is why I say, it is with a struggle and the switch has been turned on.  Even though the switch has turned toward the downside of bipolar, I have my toolkit.

I got dressed even though, I really want to be back in my pjs.  I am sharing with you so we can get through this together as I am sure, I am not the only one on this side of the pole today.

I will keep my appointment with the therapist even though I want desperately to cancel and just not go out.  But I will, because, I don’t want the downside spiral to get out of control.  No more than I can control a car whose brakes went out, I cannot control when the mood shifts, but I can use every arsenal in my toolbox to keep from going over the cliff into the black hole.

I know I am at the start of a storm, but I will use everything to remember that I will come through.  This is why it is important to study yourself.  Learn the difference between sadness and depression so you will know what stance to take.

i was walking in the park one day and saw some pretty stones placed in a horseshoe shape.  Curious, as to why, I went around to the front and saw a black hole.   The thought that immediately came to me was that, this is what it feels like going into depression.  Beauty surrounds you, yet, you go into a dark place mentally, emotionally and painfully.  It is also what it is like coming out of depression.  Finding your way out through that opening making your way into the light, out of that dark place, back to where they is beauty.

love to all

pb aka peanut butter keeping from turning to butter and sliding down the slope


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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