All over the globe this am

Although I can pretty much decide when and where to travel all over the world, it is not the same with traveling all over the house or across town when bipolar is the travel guide.  

I am not trying to make light of a serious problem or issue.  

For me, when I say traveling all over the globe or all around the world in a small period of time, it usually means, I am hypo-manic.  Going from one task to another, from room to room, upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside.  Accomplishing one task in the same room can turn into many miniature projects within the same limited space.

This morning I had several projects going on in just about every room of the house at the same time.  Many tasks or projects were started but then I would remember to do something else in the same room or in another room or on a different level.  Each thing seemed like it had to be done right now, so I would stop and go there and start that chore.  When I would have to return to a previous room, I had forgotten about what I was doing there and would begin something else until I could remember.

The thoughts were getting in the way of focusing on one thing at a time.  Even to the point of what room do I go to next.  This may seem like just forgetting something and suddenly remembering.  That happens to everywhere at some time or another. I am talking about to the point where an organized home becomes chaotic by one person in a very short period of time.

If it gets to out of control, mania starts setting in.  How to get the place back to normal.  Too much stimulation for the brain.  The how, the where to start?  Which project, which task, which room, to start with, to finish first, on and on.  Before that plan gets under control, another wrench, did I take my meds yet?  Sometimes being too organized makes me move things to where I think it would better serve its purpose.  Like moving the medication box so I can remember to take it even if it is in a different room when the alarm chimes to take it.  Sometimes I forget where I moved it to.  Which room?  Where in the room.

Panic and anxiety set in.  Then  I must remember to breathe.  I make myself stand still or sit down and remember where the med box is and then I can check.  If it has reached a panic attack and I can’t remember, then I have to take an anxiety pill, look at the time I took it and walk around safely in the house for at least 20 minutes.   The anxiety and panic pill takes about 20 minutes to start working.  I find it difficult to sit or stand in one spot when in this mode.  I know it will take this long for it to start to work long enough for me to remember what I did with the medication box.  Once that has been solved then I get  back to the bigger issue: how do I put the house back to orderliness and my mind back to a point of focus?  Something not so easily solved.    It make take all morning or all day.  But I will not sit until it is done.  Hence, case in point.  Time now is 10:35 am Eastern time.  I had been up moving around, operating in chaos mode since my feet hit the floor at 5 a.m. and I am now calm enough to sit and blog.  Everything has been put back in order and I even ate and took a.m. meds.  

For me, this was an all over the globe in a few hours and back home.  The day has just begun and I am not tired yet.

For me, living with bipolar, panic and anxiety and health problems and life itself, is lived mostly not day by day but moment by moment.  We all say that, but is it really that way for everyone?  Hmmmm.  What do you think?

I never know when my mood is going to change or if it is going to change or stay.  I don’t know how it is going to change, hypo-manic and stay for a while, full blown mania for a while, depression starting, depressed before I realize it: I just don’t know.  That’s why, when I start moving to much, doing to much, talking to fast, having racing thoughts, etc, I know these are my red flags to slow it down or to get help depending on how fast I am going.  The one thing I always remember for me: When in mania, Do Not Drive.  That is my rule and Do Not Go Shopping.


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

One thought on “All over the globe this am”

  1. i believe we are driven by our mental health issues. this is why i often say today my anxiety decided to drive me to do this..etc. each moment could be a complete 180 from the moment before. in a way its a blessing because all people want to live moment to moment. in another sense its a , because we can not control it. interesting post =)

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