I want people to know that I know their pain. The emotional pain we go through with mental illness. The isolation, the stigma, the trying to be “normal” whatever that is. Trying to fit in the mold. Live like everyone else. Cross the street when everyone else crosses, stop when everyone else stops. We don’t, we can’t. It is not because we don’t want to conform, but the drum in our head has its own beat and decides when and what it will play. We just dance to it.
Sometimes the beat is loud and we dance and laugh and play hard and dangerous. Sometimes, the drum plays so low you have to put your ear down almost to the ground to hear it. Either way it sounds, we must react to it.
That is what it is like living with bipolar. I went through 6 different assessments before I could accept it and start seeking treatment. The treatment plan interfered with how I wanted to live on the edge, so I tried to do both and it almost cost me my life several times over. But, I had to find what mattered enough to me to give up everything that interfered with the treatment plan and use that for motivation not to go back to self destructive ways, just because at the time, the drum sounded good.
I had to find a balance that was easy on the ears and the rest of my body and mind. For me, that balance is psychotherapy and medications and a lifestyle change. I have bipolar l. I go through mixed episodes and rapid cycling. Lately it has progressed to paranoia and other psychosis but I have a great treatment team and it is under control.
My desire is to help spread the word that although mental illness is not curable, it is treatable. But it does take work.
Read my blog, so you know you are not alone. You are not the only one hearing the loudness or the softness of the drum. We cannot see each other, but you are not dancing alone.
take care and be good to you
love to all