Yesterday was by no means an easy day, but because I used my wellness tools and got dressed, out of the house, diverted my attention with great effort to other things, I was able to stay safe.
When nothing else was left to do but sleep (for I had to succumb to sleep. I slept for the rest of the day into the early evening. Ate dinner and went back to sleep till late night. Did a couple of things on the computer and went to bed for the night. I stayed safe. Followed my wellness tools which includes a safety plan and made it through the night again. Above all, God brought me through the night. I don’t know how many times I was able to lay down in spite of a fear to fall asleep because of feeling some type of impending doom, it not for my faith in God.
This morning, I am not at the top yet, but I have managed to get off the ground and like the eagle I will soar. I will fly alone, but high. That’s how an eagle flies. Alone but high.
I will soar above the pit of depression and get back to where I need to be. Regular sleep at the right time, productive, but not overly busy. Able to leave the house without first feeling anxious and panicky.
Let me stop with another myth and fact about bipolar disorder from DBSA pamphlet titled : Myths and Facts about Depression and Bipolar Disorder
Myth: Treatment is a cop-out for people who are too weak to cope with day-to-day life.
Fact: Seeking treatment is a smart choice that takes strength. Mood disorders are not flaws or weaknesses. Seeking treatment means a person has the courage to look for a way to feel better.
My response: Treatment has been the smart choice for me. Without it, I would not have made myself a bipolar wellness toolkit. Without it, I would have no goals because I would not see a future with bipolar. I would still be seeing failure from the past, present and future. Now I see that nothing beats a failure but a try. A try gone undone is a failure. Making an attempt is the lst step in success.
Without treatment I would not have established people for support. A team, to help me when I am in a storm. To help me fight to swim and not sink.
It took courage for me to admit to myself and everyone else, that I have a mental illness. Bipolar disorder aka manic-depression. Bipolar disorder 1- the most severe with psychosis. I don’t wear it as a badge of honor but I know it is a part of me. I don’t let it rule me. Sometimes it gets in the driver seat, but I take control by having a plan of action. Bipolar might drive for a distance, but I can shorten that distance by using that plan of action. The plan of action is in my bipolar wellness toolkit.
It is also reaching out via this site and having had someone reach back. Thank you. That is what this blog is about. Reaching out to others and having them reach back.
Develop you own plan of action, so you have something in place before you need it.
Stay strong and be encouraged
love to all
pb aka peanut butter