The Road to Recovery – Learning more about me as I go through life.
Some days are sunny and bright: some are dark and lonely, but they are all days that I need to learn more about me.
I recently through discussion about me with different people and their view of me, have discovered something I think is vital. Ask people if they see when their is a change in your behavior and how they view it. How do they see you.
Ex: I recently learned that when I think I am moving at the normal speed, people see me as moving fast. When I think I am hypomanic, I am really almost full blown manic. When I think I am moving slow, that is when others see me moving at normal speed.
An eye opener. I learned that I need to be in tune to how fast or slow I am traveling compared to what others see. Can it be that when I am experiencing what I view as a natural high, that it is being perceived and is possibly mania? That is certainly a sign for me to take note of.
I know their are times when I feel rested and energized, not quite racing thoughts although I am productive, but not super productive. I get things done 1,2,3 and want to keep it moving.
Then there are times when I just go with the flow, but it feels like I should be doing more.
I have to take note which lane I am in when I am doing things and see if I am really in the normal speed, middle lane (hypomania) or fast lane (full blown mania or depression).
Do you know your lanes? I am learning to learn mine.
Make a note: as I am moving through the day, take note which lane I am moving in. If I am not sure, ask someone who knows me, how they perceive my movements.
When I think I am just socially outgoing, I am really moving faster than I think I am. I need to know what is my normal. How does my normal really feel. Now I also have learned that when I can’t sit still, the restlessness is really part of my hypomania. Those are times, when I can’t sit still to read a book or concentrate on the words long enough to read a couple of pages. Because I am not hoping from project to project (completing none) I don’t even realize I am in hypomania lane. I used to think, this was normal speed with lack of concentration.
Speeding just 10 mph over the limit, seemed normal to me, but doing it while my mind is going from place to place is hypomania for me. I don’t even realize I am driving fast to keep up with the thoughts in my head that I have to go here and here and here. Drive faster and faster, seems normal to me but people that have driven with me notice the speed change and the conversation speed change.
Hmmm. Food for thought.
love to all and purpose to have an awesome day
pb aka peanut butter