Right now I am really bummed out because I thought today was my grandson’s birthday. As it turns out it was yesterday. Even though he is two and maybe doesn’t understand, I feel really bad. He lives in another state and I don’t get to see him and his siblings that often throughout the year and that has me bummed as well.
I feel like I am missing out on their lives.
I am also under the weather today and was not able to attend my PHP program. Despite these two issues, I am not getting depressed. A little down but thank God not depressed.
I feel really good about that because the Dr. weaned me off of my anti-depressants to start me on an anti-depressant patch since the medications don’t seem to work for long. The pills work for a few months and then I am back to being depressed. This last time was the worst. So to put me on this patch ( the medicine goes right into your bloodstream and does not filter out through your organs) I had to be weaned off of the pills and wait 14 days to start.
I feel really good and was thinking of not taking any more anti-depressants. But I know this is stinking thinking because with bipolar, the depression is going to come at some point, just don’t know to what degree. So my biggest supporter told me to use the patch anyway so that I don’t fall to far. I love her for her support. It is not always easy to be around me because of the ups and downs of bipolar and the irritability that goes with it when entering mania or getting depressed.
I know this to shall pass (feeling bummed) and I have to be careful to keep busy and positive so as not to allow that creature called sadness to creep in because once you it creeps in, it is anybody’s guess how long it will stay around.
I have been even keel this week and learning a lot more about bipolar and the mood swings and how to get through them. I feel like I can one day return to the workforce. That is a goal that will have to wait until after the holidays. One week does not make for jumping back into work and full time anything.
The sun is also shining today so the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is under cover. I guess overall, it is still an awesome day. Correction: I know it is an awesome day.
pb aka peanut butter