The ugly words of loneliness and depression with mental illness

As sadness, depression and loneliness crept in this a.m., there was a friend I wanted to reach out to but I knew it would make things feel worse.  I thought:

English: The loneliness of Culloden Culloden i...
English: The loneliness of Culloden Culloden is one of the few areas that I leave feeling full of sadness. This lonely tree at the sight says it all. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know I can always call and

I know you will never answer

because it is never convenient.

But maybe you will call in about 2 or 3 weeks (when I no longer hurt- because I will get through this)

So, do I still call that friendship?

I am lonely and sometimes it envelopes me. It always pains me because it is always there:

sometimes to the point of being unbearable and my question is always the same:

How do I survive this?

the answer:

I just do, because whether I ask or not,

God gets me through.

Then I wrote: some people are alone because they choose to be

Others are alone because no one wants them.

I am the latter, but I don’t know why.

I think only one person will miss me and for her I live:

for now.

I was sinking fast this morning and feeling hopeless.  I had to get out of the house fast.  But I moved slowly.  Slowly got dressed, did not eat, just something to line stomach to stay on medication time frame and left the house.

I stepped out of the car and breathe in the air.  The cold air did something for me.  It got to me exhale and live.

It is just about afternoon and I am okay.

Today is living moment by moment and trying not to think to much.

be good to you and make sure you try to stay ahead of the depression trap.  When darkness seems to loom or starts creeping into your thoughts, your dreams, get out.  Do whatever you have to do to escape.  Call a friend, go for a walk, watch a funny movie, build something, just get away from the moment that is trying to take over your mood.

Mental illness is a b.i.t.c.h and has no time frame or boundaries.  Survive and live.

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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