This a.m. I was feeling great. It lasted for a while but I hated the drop.
I was great all morning. Left out feeling high on cloud nine. Had fun all the way to PHP and when I first got there. Then the ride took a turn and I started going down.
It ended up being roller coaster ride. I went down and it got emotionally draining. Up and down. I took some big drops and then leveled out by the end of the day.
That is the unpredictable part about mental illness. That is why you have to do all you can when you get up to plan to have an awesome day. This way even if the whole day is not, some of it is and that is better than being depressed on extreme manic the whole day. Neither is fun.
I believe it would have been worse, had I not purposed to have an awesome and had I not used the tools for depression and mania (was experiencing the edge of both today) and especially had I not been around people checking on me today. They showed genuine concern and it was much appreciated. It got me through so tough emotions today that could have taken me to the hospital.
Because my doctor wants me on the patch anti-depressant, I had to be weaned off and must stay off for 14 days prior to starting the patch. Rough and don’t want to end up in the hospital so the plan is to make sure I go to PHP. They provide transportation so I just have to get dressed and out the door. That takes care of most of my day. If I see that I need to be watched or can’t pull ahead of the depression, I will go somewhere to be watched by someone, not to the hospital. My support is on alert to come and get me if I don’t feel safe driving.
Having a plan ahead of time takes the guesswork out of what to do when in the midst of a crisis. It can be a lot worse without a plan.
I made it to the end of the day, drained but okay. Ready for another day. This storm was not bad, but it is good to know I now know people who care and have some place to go to feel safe in sharing how I feel. I believe that is half the battle.
Still, I hate having a mental illness, but I focus on getting well and staying stabilized and using all my resources to do it.
love to all
pb aka peanut butter