This time yesterday I was so full of rage it followed me for a good portion of the day. It was not until after my therapy appointment that I noticed it had started to subside. I was then able to go on with my down, although I still kept to myself. But I did get a couple of errands done. I know when I have been experiencing rage because it wears me down. When it is finally gone, I am so tired that I need to sleep. Being manic is very tiresome.
An old friend of mine once called me the Hulk and that is the only way I can describe how I feel and respond to situations when I feel rage.
Yesterday, I came home and went to sleep from before 5 pm until about 11:45 pm. Took my night medications and went back to sleep.
Got up this morning feeling better but a little lost. I am waiting to be able to get into another PHP program. I was discharged from the prior one (for which the insurance company has yet to give me a reason) but will pay for me to go to another one for which they can’t take me now. I feel like someone just dumped me in the middle of the ocean. Yesterday, I felt like I had no life line. This morning, I know my life line is my coping skills. It’s not enough just to learn them and put them in the toolkit. I have to incorporate the newly acquired ones with the old ones that I already use.
I do not start the anti-depressant patch until this Sunday. It’s almost here. The medication change with this type of drug and the mood stabilizer have been difficult but I keep in front of my mind the hospitalization I just went through and it keeps me strong. I do not want to be hospitalized again.
I purpose to have an awesome day. The fact that I go to sleep in my own bed to me means that I had an awesome day. Getting out of the house adds to it.
pb aka peanut butter
