The calm after the storm of rage

This time yesterday I was so full of rage it followed me for a good portion of the day.  It was not until after my therapy appointment that I noticed it had started to subside.  I was then able to go on with my down, although I still kept to myself.  But I did get  a couple of errands done.  I know when I have been experiencing rage because it wears me down.  When it is finally gone, I am so tired that I need to sleep.  Being manic is very tiresome.

English: The Calm After The Storm The River Te...
English: The Calm After The Storm The River Teme after bursting its banks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An old friend of mine once called me the Hulk and that is the only way I can describe how I feel and respond to situations when I feel rage.

Yesterday, I came home and went to sleep from before 5 pm until about 11:45 pm.  Took my night medications and went back to sleep.

Got up this morning feeling better but a little lost.  I am waiting to be able to get into another PHP program.  I was discharged from the prior one (for which the insurance company has yet to give me a reason) but will pay for me to go to another one for which they can’t take me now.  I feel like someone just dumped me in the middle of the ocean.  Yesterday, I felt like I had no life line. This morning, I know my life line is my coping skills.  It’s not enough just to learn them and put them in the toolkit.  I have to incorporate the newly acquired ones with the old ones that I already use.

I do not start the anti-depressant patch until this Sunday.  It’s almost here.  The medication change with this type of drug and the mood stabilizer have been difficult but I keep in front of my mind the hospitalization I just went through and it keeps me strong.  I do not want to be hospitalized again.

I purpose to have an awesome day.  The fact that I go to sleep in my own bed to me means that I had an awesome day.  Getting out of the house adds to it.

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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