New day, old feelings

Village of Porto Covo, west coast of Portugal
Village of Porto Covo, west coast of Portugal (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Unpredictable.  That’s what mental illness is always going to be.  Yes, we can get a handle on how we manage the storms and whether they are minor or major (the length or intensity).  However, we cannot control the when and which end of the spectrum there will be an episode.  We don’t control whether it is mania or depression or when it happens.  We can help shorten the episodes with knowing when it is beginning to go one way or the other and choosing to use coping skills or tools.

Today is a new day.  Up past 2 am.  Feeling rested and good.

Time now is 6:54 am and I am slightly agitated.  I want more for my life than how I am living it now.  I want bent on getting a dog.  Even took out books on choosing and caring for a sheltered dog.  This morning decided now is not a good time.

I don’t know what I am doing from one moment to the next.  It is like someone opened up a flood gate this am and all the things I want to do, I want to do them at once.  I want everything to happen now.  I want to step back into my productive, post knowing that I have manic-depression life now.  The time when I was working and going out with co-workers, etc.  The best part was the working, although I now realize there were periods of mania and some depression.

Right now, I feel frazzled and all over the globe.  Lights on in rooms I am not in.  Things going on in different rooms of the house.

Goals: return to school, return to work.  Buy a single family house.  Buy power tools to be able to build furniture and other projects as gifts to others.

Should I move to another state?  Should I stay in this state?  What should I do first?

Let the medicine work.  Today I am supposed to start on the patch already I hate it.  Just let me take a pill with the other medications.  Obviously that did not work, that is why my Dr. wants me to use the patch.

T.v. is on in another part of the house.  Thought I wanted to watch t.v.  Turned it on and left the room.  Thought I wanted coffee.  The coffee pot is still on.

will post later.

the sea is back and the waves are splashing all over the place

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

One thought on “New day, old feelings”

  1. you are right…we can control mental illness but only to a certain degree. i never feel 100% stable. it’s a constant up and down game. i suppose all we can really do is play the game to the best of our abilities.

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