to say I’m doing good.
I thought it was okay to say I am doing good.
Here it is another day, but I am not doing okay
Can anyone see the sadness in my eyes?
I thought the anti-depressant patch was working because I was laughing at times yesterday but late in the day, it turned to irritability.
Is it the S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) or the depression or both.
I just know that I am not okay:
It is overcast outside and I don’t seem to be able to get a grip on my feelings.
Try as I might,
the overcast feeling is inside and outside.
Inside of me and outside of the house,
the gloominess is lurking through the windows and I can’t see any sunshine,
Not outside, not inside of me.
I am a vapor, that will one day vanish away and I wonder how long will anyone care.
What kind I find to make me want to hold onto life.
My vision is of me standing alone in the desert surrounded by mountains and sand that look the same from every direction.
I feel like I am losing my mind.
I know it is just a feeling, but I hate it,
as much as I would physically hate being in the desert with no one in sight.
I could scream out, just as my insides are screaming, but no one would hear me there, just as no one hears me now.
I am screaming, but there is silence all around me.
I hate it.
Determined to get through this storm and trying to love myself