Just when you thought it was safe

Sad Puppy Dog Eyes
Sad Puppy Dog Eyes (Photo credit: Martin Cathrae)

to say I’m doing good.

I laugh

I thought it was okay to say I am doing good.

Here it is another day, but I am not doing okay

Can anyone see the sadness in my eyes?

I thought the anti-depressant patch was working because I was laughing at times yesterday but late in the day, it turned to irritability.         

Is it the S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) or the depression or both.

I just know that I am not okay:

It is overcast outside and I don’t seem to be able to get a grip on my feelings.

Try as I might,

the overcast feeling is inside and outside.

Inside of me and outside of the house,

the gloominess is lurking through the windows and I can’t see any sunshine,

Not outside, not inside of me.

I am a vapor, that will one day vanish away and I wonder how long will anyone care.

What kind I find to make me want to hold onto life. 

My vision is of me standing alone in the desert surrounded by mountains and sand that look the same from every direction.

I feel like I am losing my mind.

I know it is just a feeling, but I hate it,

as much as I would physically hate being in the desert with no one in sight.

Atacama, the world's driest desert "Natio...
Atacama, the world’s driest desert “Nationalgeographic.com”. Ngm.nationalgeographic.com . . Retrieved 2010-10-16 . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I could scream out, just as my insides are screaming, but no one would hear me there, just as no one hears me now.

I am screaming, but there is silence all around me.

I hate it.

Determined to get through this storm and trying to love myself

peanut butter

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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