I don’t know if I am alone because of the mental illness and the destructive behavior I act out or if…
I really don’t know why.
I just know that I can read all the information out there about manic-depression and any other mental illness and it doesn’t explain everything.
I think there is also some very deep hurt inside that is trying to get out and that my therapy has been focusing only on the bipolar treatment.
There is no medication to help deal with emotional pain. Sometimes it is so overpowering.
I am always alone, even with people, I am alone. But never before sunrise.
My thoughts are more clear and I feel more peaceful before the sunrises. Maybe that’s why I awake so early. It is when all is quiet, even my disturbing thoughts are quiet before sunrise.
As beautiful as a sunrise can be, I now realize it is the end of a quiet time of peace for me.
Once the sun rises, everything changes. Fear of everything comes in.
Fear of living comes in. Being alive is scary.
What or who will I lose today?
Where is my place of belonging? I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.