So I went to the psychiatrist today and told him how I have been feeling.
Wanting to cry a lot, everyday: having emotional pain in the pit of my stomach, pacing every morning, anxious, sleep pattern is off and some other things going on. He said I am very depressed.
Did not know if I was just sad or what was going on. I know I am a mess and living like this moment by moment is hell. I would not wish it on anyone. Depressed, then manic. Depressed for a while then start feeling better and going up to mania.
The problem is when you drop from mania to depression.
For me, sometimes, its a drop, sometimes its a slide, but it always starts heading in that downward direction and before I know it, I am down again. Lately too far down. So I go to my safe place with my friend and I stay until I feel it is okay to go back home.
I stay a night or two just to try to get those ugly thoughts out of my head and make it to the therapist or psychiatrist.
Since I am up before the sunrise I try to make the most of my time with them. I talk, I cry, I try to laugh, but most of all I try to get through the day without going to the hospital.
I remind myself that the hospital takes away my freedom and I don’t have someone to sit and listen to me without a time restriction. It makes a difference.
One thing I am doing is reminding myself that my goal is not to be admitted to the hospital again. It was a safe place but they do not have the people you talk with you and help you figure out what is going on. That is not what the staff is there for and that may be what your really need at the time.
This is where having a go to, crisis support person really helps. Someone who you can talk it out with you how you are feeling. Not dump all your problems on, but help you talk so you can get to the core of what is making you feel the way you are and then you know how to follow up with the doctor or therapist.
Do you have a go to crisis support person?
love to all
pb aka peanut butter