My emotions and my anxiety are all over the globe this am. Was up early as usual. Tried to sleep until at least 4:30am. but did not fare too well with that task. No wonder I love sunrises.
At that time of morning I was already involved in a couple of projects between the two floors. Trying to focus on on project at a time was out of the question.
Right now, I am blasting music in my ears in hopes of calming down long enough to get out of the house and drive. It has already taken a while to get dressed.
Need to go out today. Not just for the bipolar wellness but also because I have bills to pay if I want to keep living on my own and in control of my finances. I have to fight to do the right things. I do not want my privileges to have to be monitored. I want to be trusted by my family and support group people that I can and do take care of self.
Sometimes mania or even depression may present a challenge becasue I can’t just stay in the house. When I go out, sometimes spending money other than on bills makes me happy. I have a trick for that meny spending. Go to the thrift store and buy cheap books that you are interested in. It doesn’t matter if you never read more than the cover. You will always have it and can see where you spent the buck or two. You spent money and feel better. The same for childrens’ books and toys and stuffed animals.
Sometimes, medications become an issue but that is always going to be a work in progress. And yes, I can conentrate more with the music blarring than in silence sometimes. It helps me keep the train of thought focused becasue I have to try harder to concentrate on what it is I am trying to say.
Feel good right now, but the anxiousness is still there. I think the thought of having to wait for the anxiousness to subside is causing more anxiety. If I can just get out of the house, I can go to the store and walk off some of the anxiety.
Funny thing. I know there are people out there who walk the same path as well.
I’ll say it again. I would not wish mental illness or anyone, even someone I don’t consider a friend. No one deserves to be manic and depressesd, up and down. Feel like you are losing your mind. Full of fear of the unknown brought on by panic and anxiety. Living in the past because of triggers that take us back mentally.
No one deserves to live like this. To lose family and friends, becasue they don’t understand or just can’t take the irratic behavior anymore.
Right now I am okay and will venture out. But someone is not okay. To you I reach out and say, give yourself some time. You will get there. You will be able to leave the house; get out of the car, do what you need to do. Stay encouraged. We all go through it.
take care of you
love to all
pb aka peanut butter