I am now on day 3 of the higher dose of the anti-depressant patch. Is it too soon to kown if it is working?
Nothing has changed yet so maybe it is too soon to tell.
Still sleeping at odd hours and getting up between 12 and 1:30 am. Try as I might, cannot go back to sleep. But I must also say that sometimes I do go to sleep around 4 or 5 in the afternoon and sleep for hours. Then I get ready for bed and may or may not take my night meds and go back to sleep. All in total, I get between 5 and 7 hours off and on. I guess I am doing good.
I wish I could stay sleep longer because soon after I am up, I want to cry. I can’t seem to stay even keeled right now and have not been able to do so for a while.
The last time I remember being on good mental health ground was in April of this year and even then I was manic most of the time. Once the mania left I started going downhill. This way and that. Up and down. Manic and depressed and then the mania stopped. Just depressed.
Moments of laughter, but nothing stayed. The depression is always lurking, sucking the ilfe right out of me.
I have an appointment with the therapist today and I don’t know if I am going to keep it.
Even though I have been up for a while and it is still not daylight yet, I have no desire to get dressed or leave the house. Hopefully, that will change once daylight hits. I am usually able to force myself out of the house but this morning feels very different.
I have already been in and out of being on the verge of crying and am still trying to keep it together. I do not want the floodgates of sobbing to start.
I purpose to try to have a eureka day, but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m in a battle that isn’t going very well. Where is the sunshine in my heart, in me?
peanut butter aka pb