Feeling eureka so far

Up since about 4 or 4:30 am.  Feel rested.  Still feeling good like this could be a eureka day.

Feeling an inner calmness.  Almost 3 hours now and still feeling good.  N0 depression, no mania.  Just me.  Just calm and a tiny bit of anxiety trying to creep in but I will hit that right now on the head and knock it out before it takes root.

Sunshine
Sunshine (Photo credit: Jong Soo(Peter) Lee)

The feeling of feeling good has been there in the past (less often than often) but has not lasted.  The longer I stayed up, the more the feeling started declining into hoplessness,despair, anxiety and panic.

This time yesterday am, I felt no eureka, no going outside (although I did force myself to go out), no getting dressed, no nothing.

Yesterday, I tried to hold back the gate and open it up to tears and crying but I lost the battle all day.

I envisioned the couch and me all day, but fortunately something forced me to get dressed and get out of the house.  I did not stay out as long as I wanted to.  I could not hold back the tears while driving.

Each time I got behind the wheel of the car, I was crying.

I was out with others for a little while but soon had no more energy to pretend to be alright and went home.  Cried all the way home.  The emotional pain was still there, waiting for the gate to open so the tears could flow freely.

I managed to make it home and put groceries away amidst the teary eyes.

I then retreated to my safety room and went to sleep.  Woke up, got ready for bed, took night meds and went back to sleep.  This morning all is well.

I am keeping a positive attittude that things are starting to turn around inwardly.  That is where it all starts.  How do I feel inside.

I can see a bit of sunshine inside of me, even though the sun has yet to rise on the outside.

We will see if the sun breaks through and for how long.

Purpose to have a Eureka day.  You deserve it.

love to all

peanut butter aka pb

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

2 thoughts on “Feeling eureka so far”

  1. I liked your post, but I’m sad you have to deal with this. I can empathize, even though I don’t rapid cycle. Actually, I have been on the downside for so long, I can’t even remember what the up feels like. Hang in there!

    1. So far so good today. A Eureka night and somewhat productive day. The only problem, I have a leg that will not quick moving. It makes it hard to concentrate for long periods of time on anything else.
      My mind seems clearer today so, so far Eureka.

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