Up since about 4 or 4:30 am. Feel rested. Still feeling good like this could be a eureka day.
Feeling an inner calmness. Almost 3 hours now and still feeling good. N0 depression, no mania. Just me. Just calm and a tiny bit of anxiety trying to creep in but I will hit that right now on the head and knock it out before it takes root.
The feeling of feeling good has been there in the past (less often than often) but has not lasted. The longer I stayed up, the more the feeling started declining into hoplessness,despair, anxiety and panic.
This time yesterday am, I felt no eureka, no going outside (although I did force myself to go out), no getting dressed, no nothing.
Yesterday, I tried to hold back the gate and open it up to tears and crying but I lost the battle all day.
I envisioned the couch and me all day, but fortunately something forced me to get dressed and get out of the house. I did not stay out as long as I wanted to. I could not hold back the tears while driving.
Each time I got behind the wheel of the car, I was crying.
I was out with others for a little while but soon had no more energy to pretend to be alright and went home. Cried all the way home. The emotional pain was still there, waiting for the gate to open so the tears could flow freely.
I managed to make it home and put groceries away amidst the teary eyes.
I then retreated to my safety room and went to sleep. Woke up, got ready for bed, took night meds and went back to sleep. This morning all is well.
I am keeping a positive attittude that things are starting to turn around inwardly. That is where it all starts. How do I feel inside.
I can see a bit of sunshine inside of me, even though the sun has yet to rise on the outside.
We will see if the sun breaks through and for how long.
Purpose to have a Eureka day. You deserve it.
love to all
peanut butter aka pb