The joke is on me

I thought for sure a new pattern of time getting up was emerging.  I thought for sure I would have slept until at least 5 am.  Not So.  Up between 2 and 2:30 this morning and feeling a little anxious.

Beat the sun up again.     Definitely wish I could see this kind of sunrise since I am already wide awake.

Sunrise over the south beach of Jamaica.  Guess I just have to imagine being there.  What a beautiful image to imagine. Ahhhhh

Just goes to show that nothing is normal when you have bipolar.  Just when you think you are on a normal course, everything shifts again.  Sometimes things shift within a day or night or in between.

I don’t mind being up early when I am home becasue I don’t worry about disturbing anyone.  I wake up feeling wide awake, refreshed and ready to start the day.

Episodes have taught me not to jump to conclusions about my mood.  Ex: I am up early, so I must be manic.  Did not sleep through the night so I must be depressed.  Don’t have to be either one.  It is what it is.  I am awake and refreshed and I get up.

Right now, I don’t feel either.  But I do not expect depression to be the winner today becasue yesterday was a good day and so was the day before.

I expect each day to continue to get better, especially when I work my wellness plan and use my tools.

I feel that the anti-depressant patch is working but it needs to be a bit stronger to really get the full effect.  The next appointment is not until the end of the month unless I go back into that hole before then and I will not go without a fight.
Knowing and recognizing when things are starting to change downward will keep me out of the hole.

When I notice that, it is time to run to the Dr. and have him increase the dosage, not wait and see.  I am not playing that wait and see game anymore.

I learned the hard way, it is a losing game for me.
When I wait and I see, I am usually in bad shape by the time I get to the doctor, so that is not an option.  When I see: go.

Even though I am feeling better, I still need to be aware of my moods, my sleep, what I take into my body and how certain foods make me feel.

Too much caffeine including too much chocolate and other sweets tend to bring me down.  Gotta watch the intake.

Gotta watch my body language, how I am responding to others.  Am I retreating inside myself when I around other people?  Am I off to the side?  Am I non-responsive to conversation?  Do I want to be alone?  Am I feeling lonely even in a crowd?  Am I being overcome with feelings of loneliness all the time?    Where is my head?  Am I in the moment?

Some of these are tell-tale signs for me.  They may seem silly but, they are important for me to watch and be aware of.

Wait and see is not always the best game plan.  Watch and take note is a better plan for me.

And the last thing:  am I enjoying Eureka moments?   They do tend to add up to make a Eurkea day.

love to all,

enjoy every moment, even if you don’t think it is a eureka moment, but a good one

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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