I cannot put the last few days into words.  I have been down and even keel.

Pocket beach at The Cape of Good Hope
Pocket beach at The Cape of Good Hope (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Even keel, up early and earlier during the day.

Sleep: earlier and earlier.

Wake up, take night medication, then sleep again

and up earlier and earlier and the cycle starts over again.

Even keel just existing.  Trying to make some sense of my life and where to go from here.


Hope that during one of these even keel moments I will find peace and answers of what to do with my life.

I am tired of just existing.  Up early and earlier.  Sleep earlier and earlier and more and more.

I work on who I could be while I am awake and drift off to sleep hoping I find the answer when I wake up.

The depression seems to be lifting, although slowly, it is lifting.  Now what?

I am not up. Not hypomanic, not manic, just here.

Don’t get me wrong, at least wherever here is, I can think until I fall asleep with hope.

Here is better than depression, hopelessness and giving in to the emotional pain that is unbearable.

Hope is where I am at now.

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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