Sadness is trying to set in.
For some reason my sleep did not last as long as I thought it should have. I don’t know why I was up a little past 3 am. but I was productive. Got some things accomplished and was even able to concentrate and read a book.
I was excited about being able to do that. It is not something I can do when depressed or manic. It was a good sign.
I was even able to do yoga this morning, but that led me to thinking about my estranged daughter. Estranged through her choice, not mine, although I am the culprit. It was some things that I said when I was not feeling well.
It was when I was depressed and in a destructive mood that I lashed out at her and others. Others have stayed because they realized it was part of my mental illness. She has to protect herself from me and I understand that, but it does not stop me from missing her. The yoga reminds me of her because she introduced me to it.
How do I clean up this mess and get her back?
One thing for sure, I cannot let the sadness rule because it turns to depression for me when it lasts to long.
I have fought long and hard to get to this point of being okay again. I will get past this.
pb aka peanut butter