Yesterday was victory day.
Forced myself out of the house in the morning and stayed out for a good portion of the day.
It was a productive day because I interacted with other people and did not stay to myself.
I now realize that there are no automatic easy days. There is always a fight for something in order to maintain my mental health wellness. It is always there. That is why it is so easy to give up and give in to depression. Fighting mental illness to me is a constant battle. Maybe not for everyone, I can only speak for myself.
Yesterday morning when I dipped into sadness, it would have been easy for me to stay there. I wanted to go back to bed and fortunately that is not my style. I had to fight that sadness and that sensation to crawl back into bed with the covers over my head becasue one of my loved ones has closed me out of her life. It doesn’t just sting when I think about it, it pains me, but I keep moving forward. I cannot let it cripple me with sadness or turn into depression. I don’t like being in that place.
I am back on a crazy wake up schedule, 3 am. I used to be okay with it becasue I thought it was when I was creative. I have since learned that I am a creative person period. That means I can be creative at any time of the day, not only at 3 am. Now I am trying to get my mind to let me sleep at least until 4:30 or 5 am. That would be great. Unfortunately my body seems to rule what time I get up and not my mind.
That means I have to really be aware of my moods and how I am feeling. Too little sleep can cause me to go into mania and then dip down into depression. Now that I know that sleep deprivation affects my mood and how so, I need to really pay attention to what I am feeling and how I am responding to people or reacting to situations (am I getting irritable for no reason or at little things).
I must make it a point to get out of the house, to know manic and depression tools in case I need to use them. I need to make sure I use my coping skills when situations arise that could throw me off balance.
I like having a victory day and look forward to making more victory days happen. That don’t just happen for me. I have to make them happen by keeping it going.
Have a victory mental health day
love to all
pb aka peanut butter