There comes a time when we must take responsiblity for the damage we did when we were not ourselves, those times when we manic or depressed and said or did things that we ordinarily would not have done.
The things we said or did when the impulse part of our brain was the one in control are the messes we not only have to clean up but sometimes cannot fix.
Today was my day of recknoning.
I finally am well enough to realize the cruel things I said to others and the pain I caused and for that I am truly sorry.
Now I know that impulse control is definitely a huge problem I have to work on in therapy.
I also realize that when not well, I behave as a different person, much like an alcoholic.
When I am manic, everything is about me and I act impulsively and sometimes wrecklessly.
When I am depressed, I lash out in hurt and pain because of the horrible emotional pain I feel and the isolation depression brings with it.
Today is my day of reckoning and I am trying to make amends.
Maybe it’s not the bipolar, but I know that when I am not manic or depressed I can think rationally and make judgment calls as to what to say and what not to say. Things don’t just pop out of my mouth.
Am I the only person with bipolar that has messes to clean up after mania or depression?