I am starting to get up at 3 a.m. again.

I don’t know why I cannot sleep but it is frustrating.

There was a time when I thought it was okay to be up that early.

My mind and body said, get up and I would get up rested and ready to go.

Now, I want to sleep later but sleep eludes me.

I know the importance of sleep when you are bipolar.

Lack of sleep can lead to mania so I am trying to get the proper amount.

The medication that used to help me sleep does not work at all now.

I feel lost all day, although not depressed (thank God).

I rise early and one day seems to drift into another.

When I do fall asleep it is not for long and one sleepless night turns into another.  It is quite frustrating.

I spend most of the night tossing and turning trying to stay asleep until finally I cannot take it anymore and have to get up.

Then what do I do?

Not much

I journal whatever comes to mind and wait for 5 am to start taking medication.

After 5 am what do I do?

I might work on my book and journal whatever comes to mind.

I do whatever I can think of to pass the time until daylight peeks through.

Once daylight peeks through you would think I would be okay.

I have been up for hours and have done everything I can think of just to get to this point.

Now I am lost as to what to do so my day is the same as yesterday, doing nothing and waiting for sleep that will come but not last.

I want to work but my therapist wants me to wait a little longer.

I have been on the anti-depressant patch since mid November and have had 2 dosage increases.  It seems to be working now, but I guess I should give myself some more time to stabilize.

In the meantime, I remain sleepless as part of my bipolar.



Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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