I am starting to get up at 3 a.m. again.
I don’t know why I cannot sleep but it is frustrating.
There was a time when I thought it was okay to be up that early.
My mind and body said, get up and I would get up rested and ready to go.
Now, I want to sleep later but sleep eludes me.
I know the importance of sleep when you are bipolar.
Lack of sleep can lead to mania so I am trying to get the proper amount.
The medication that used to help me sleep does not work at all now.
I feel lost all day, although not depressed (thank God).
I rise early and one day seems to drift into another.
When I do fall asleep it is not for long and one sleepless night turns into another. It is quite frustrating.
I spend most of the night tossing and turning trying to stay asleep until finally I cannot take it anymore and have to get up.
Then what do I do?
I journal whatever comes to mind and wait for 5 am to start taking medication.
After 5 am what do I do?
I might work on my book and journal whatever comes to mind.
I do whatever I can think of to pass the time until daylight peeks through.
Once daylight peeks through you would think I would be okay.
I have been up for hours and have done everything I can think of just to get to this point.
Now I am lost as to what to do so my day is the same as yesterday, doing nothing and waiting for sleep that will come but not last.
I want to work but my therapist wants me to wait a little longer.
I have been on the anti-depressant patch since mid November and have had 2 dosage increases. It seems to be working now, but I guess I should give myself some more time to stabilize.
In the meantime, I remain sleepless as part of my bipolar.