Thank you all for your comments on the Day of Reckoning post.
It is good to know that I am not alone in what I experience when mania or depression is at bay.
I was beginning to think I was this horrible person that no one wanted to be around. Even though some have distanced themselves from me becasue of incidents during these bipolar episodes, others understand and remain supportive and love me through them. They don’t like what happens but they realize it is not intentional. I thank God for these supportive people.
Now I know, that I am not that horrible person I had begun to believe myself to be.
I now know because of the feedback I have received from all of you, that the real me is the person I am when not manic or depressed. I am not an impulsive, mean spirited person by nature. It is when the ugly side of bipolar is at work front and center. It is when the chemicals are really out of whack and I must be attentive to the changes in my own behavior.
This task is sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes the change is so rapid that I do not have time to notice the change and before I know it, I am in impulse mode, saying and doing things I normally would think twice about. By the time I realize what I have done, it is sometimes to late to repair the damage.
In some areas I have learned impulse control and in other areas I still struggle. I am still a work in progress and will always be a work in progress as I learn different ways to handle the mania and depression episodes and the impulses that lead to paths of destruction.
I feel that this blog provides me with an online support system. Thank you.
love to all
pb aka peanut butter