Sleeping but anxious

I have slept past 4 am for the past 3 nights.  Yay

I am very happy about that.

Even though I am not getting up before 4:30 am, I am still struggling with anxiety.  It is frustrating because it now delays the

things I want to do.  I walk and I pace for a while until I can finally sit down.  It may take a couple of hours before I am able to sit or do something else but pace.  It also takes 2 instead of the 1 ativan to work.  I thought the anxiety would leave with the depression.  At first, it was still there but there were days I would not have to take a pill or just take one.  Today I had to take 2 and still I walked and paced for hours.  I don’t know what to do.

I constantly tell myself, I am not depressed and I proceed to use the anti-depression tools.  I dress the opposite of how I feel and I leave the house.  I try to get out and sometimes stay out for a couple of days so as not to be alone.  I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now.

Is there anyone else who has a problem with anxiety?  Do you walk and pace to try to calm down?  Does it take a while for you to calm down?

Let me know how you handle the anxiety and the restlessness.

I have also been told that I am flat.  I don’t seem to laugh or show much joy even though I am not depressed.  The jovialness that goes with my mania is not present.  I feel that something is missing.  Still, I am happy not to be depressed.

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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