Will the real PB please stand up

Slow to respond to things, moving slower than i thought, not much laughter and no silliness that make peole laugh.

Constantly pacing for hours: back and forth, up and down the stairs, walking from room to room and then back again.

The day the snow was heavy, I had to get out of the house.  I was too restless to stay in the house so i braved the snow and went out.  I was glad to be out of the house but shopping at my favorite store, Home Depot did not put a smile on my face or joy inside of me.

i feel that i am just moving through life at a slow, boring pace.  I have no spark.

I have stopped writing and have lost the confidence needed to complete my book.  I seem to have no desire to do anything.  Even my collage hanging in my office, gives me no desire to start a new project or work on the ones I’ve already started.

The Dr. tweaked my medicine so we will see how it goes.  Hopefully I will be back to me in a few days.  Hope is what I have right now.

Where is the real PB.   I hope she comes back soon.

love to all

pb aka peanut butter


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

9 thoughts on “Will the real PB please stand up”

  1. I am so glad that I came across your post because i have been suffering in a very similar way. I am just now at the point where I have begun to write again. Reading I love but it seems to be such a chore these day. I was recently discharged from the hospital due to a psychotic break that was a long time in the making. I am now on a medication regime and I feel like a stranger in my own body. I detest the side effects. Only time will tell if I ever return to my former self.
    *I also love the PB reference because I have an addiction to the stuff! :-)*
    Thank you again

    1. I am glad I am not the only one. I am able to read again in short spurts. Sometimes I read as I pace. Writing is more difficult. I don’t sit still long enough. Thank you for sharing.

  2. I wish I were a better cheerleader, but I seem to continue looking over my shoulder waiting for depression to rob me of my life again. I love my new cocktail of drugs. A few side effects but the alternative is worse. I hope the snow goes away soon and sunshine returns for you, in more ways than one.

    1. You are a cheerleader to me. Every time you read my post and leave a comment. It helps keep me in the here and now. I too for the longest kept looking over my shoulder for depression to return. It was/ is scary. Sometimes I feel one step away. It is slowly getting better. My medication still has to be tweaked. I am still waiting for the sunshine of laughter and purpose of life to return instead of just existing.

      1. I so understand the existing. I found I had to be determined and keep trying different doctors who would work with me. I existed for 30 or more years. I never started advocating for myself until the last two years.

        Which, advocating is tough when you don’t really care. I knew I had two choices to escape the torture. I chose to fight.

        Keep fighting!

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