Sometimes I really hate being alone in my house. I have a beautiful home and sometimes I can’t wait to get out of there. It seems to shrink, my head starts to spin, I can’t think and I start to feel sick.
Sometimes loneliness speaks to me and becomes so overwhelming that I grab my keys and run out of the house regardless of what I have on.
When loneliness sets in, it is followed by sadness and then depression. The depression turns into major depression and now I’m in a storm.
Was it better being manic? When in mania, I rush to do everything. Once the adrenaline gets going, I have to keep moving. Sometimes I go on auto pilot and just keep going until 2 in the morning. I lay down and toss and turn, many times not even realilizing that I fell asleep until I wake up at 5am and remember a weird dream I had.
Even when I drop from mania to depression my sleep may still be off. I might keep the same sleep schedule or it may change where sleep overtakes me at 4 in the afternoon and get up at 3 am.
So how did I get into the whole of depression? Was the depression brought on by life itself or is it the bipolar depression that comes when I drop from mania?
Love to all
pb aka peanut butter