Depression: Is it the bipolar or life?

Sometimes I really hate being alone in my house.  I have a beautiful home and sometimes I can’t wait to get out of there.  It seems to shrink, my head starts to spin, I can’t think and I start to feel sick.  

Sometimes loneliness speaks to me and becomes so overwhelming that I grab my keys and run out of the house regardless of what I have on.

 When loneliness sets in, it is followed by sadness and then depression.  The depression turns into major depression and now I’m in a storm.

Was it better being manic?  When in mania, I rush to do everything.  Once the adrenaline gets going, I have to keep moving.  Sometimes I go on auto pilot and just keep going until 2 in the morning. I lay down and toss and turn, many times not even realilizing that I fell asleep until I wake up at 5am and remember a weird dream I had.

Even when I drop from mania to depression my sleep may still be off.  I might keep the same sleep schedule or it may change where sleep overtakes me at 4 in the afternoon and get up at 3 am.

So how did I get into the whole of depression?  Was the depression brought on by life itself or is it the bipolar depression that comes when I drop from mania?

Love to all

pb aka peanut butter

 

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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