I have been fully awake since 2:30 am, tossing and turning. I finally got up about 3am.
Something is bothering me, stirring my mind, my soul, my being. I am sure it is more than one thing. It is stressing me, pulling me, haunting me.
These things on my mind, whatever they are, are keeping me awake. This is not the first time. These things are and have been strategically trying to pull me into the black hole of depression. I continue to fight hard to keep the sunshine alive in me. Sometimes though, the sun is not as bright as at other times.
Despite the pulling of the hole of depression, it cannot have me. I am fighting daily like crazy to stay free of it. Some days I fight harder than others and sometimes I even get to rest, but only for a moment. Rest is luxury that does not last for long. I feel that if I rest to long, the hole will have me.
Today, this moment, is not a time for rest. It is a time to reach out and grab hold of a rope to tie around my mind and my emotions for the force of the black hole seems to be a little stronger. I am digging into solace with my mind and fighting not to be pulled to the bottom of the bipolar pole; that is where the hole of depression lies waiting.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. These posts allow me to remember that I am not alone in this fight for mental heath and wellness.
love to all
pb aka peanut butter