With I’m cycling with bipolar episodes, life seems to be like riding on different rides at the amusement park. The only difference is that sometimes the rides with bipolar are not amusing at all. Sometimes the ride is scary; like when I am depressed and feeling hopeless that I will not come out of it. Other times, mania can be scary, especially if I am very irritable and feeling rage. When that is the case, I try not to drive if I do not have to and I try to stay to myself to protect people from my outbursts which can be scary for them at times.
I would compare cycling like a roller coaster ride. I can be manic for a period of time (at the top of the ride) and then drop to being depressed (the ride quickly drops from the top to the bottom dip).
When mania first starts, I feel energetic and on top of the world. I know that there is no challenge too hard for me and there are no heights I cannot reach in life. I function off of less sleep than normal (Normal for me is about 5 to 5 1/2 hours). This is when I am climbing toward the top of the ride.
I do not want to sleep. There is so much to do. This is the top of the ride for me and I have no idea how long it will last. With episodes, whether manic or depression, there is no time limit.
My insides are screaming, “Someone please make the ride stop”. Many try, but do not know how to help me calm down or come back to my reality when I am manic or how to pull me out of depression. Some people walk away, and some just stay there with me until the ride stops. It is nice to be able to see a smiling, loving face when the ride is out of control. It helps to know that someone is still there waiting for me to get off the ride safely. Usually it is a support person who stays with me (keep checking on me and talking to me, reassuring me that the ride will be over soon) and sometimes it is a stranger who comments about one of my posts.
When I come out of depression or down from mania and back to the calmness within, I know the ride is over. I have survived another roller coaster called Bipolar Episode Ride.
The difference between the actual park and the Bipolar Ride is that when you go to the amusement park, you can pick and choose which ride you want to go on and how often. All the rides are timed. With bipolar, you have no choice. It is like someone pushes you onto a ride and it goes out of control. There may be people standing there looking and some will try to help but walk away when they see there is nothing they can do. Other people will just look and walk away because they do not believe there is anything they can do so they don’t try. Finally there will be one, two maybe even 3, that will stay just to be there with you so you are not alone. They cannot stop the ride but they do not want you to feel alone.
I love these people. Sometimes they are not all there for support at the same time. One person may be with me when I am manic and another person is there for me when I am depressed. It really doesn’t matter how many people are there for me at a time as long as someone is always there.
love to all
pb aka peanut butter