Pushing past the symtoms

Yesterday was a trying day.

I stayed in bed much longer than normal.  I really did not want to get out.  I stayed about 3 hours longer than normal and I was not tired or sleepy, just had no desire to get up.

When I finally got up, I pushed myself out of the house although I wanted no part of the outside world.  I knew that I had to go out despite how I was feeling even though I did not quite know at the time what I was feeling and why.

It was not until I called someone and realized how angry I was at the world and how bitter I sounded that I finally had to admit that I was depressed.  I have been trying so hard to stay as busy as possible for fear of getting depressed like I was this time last year.

I went to the library to listen to music to get into a different mood.

Later that day, I made plans to get together with someone and go to a movie.  I was a little hesitant because I was afraid my mood would show through and ruin the day for them.  I knew I had to do something fun because it is one of my tools for depression so I don’t give in to it.

It turned out to be a great time, although I overloaded on sweets, but I did not care.

I pushed past the symptoms: anger, irritability, lack of desire to get out of bed, leave the house and the need for isolation, and did not let the black hole of depression suck me in.

love to all,

pb aka peanut butter

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

4 thoughts on “Pushing past the symtoms”

  1. This has been me… exactly…for well over a month now. I’ve tried all I could do to escape the grip depression has had on me, but ultimately gave in by taking a mood stabilizer. So far, I haven’t seen any results, but it’s only been 4 days. If nothing else, I feel your pain.

    1. Just remember that this is a storm you might have been in before and came through. You will come through this one because you are a survivor. Take care of you. You have to be your number one priority. I was major depressed last year for months with all kinds of medication changes and I did not think anything would work. One day I asked God “How can someone live like this and go through this indescribable pain”, His response was so clear. He reminded me his word says, “My grace is sufficient for you”. It got me through. Now I am on an anti-depressant patch and have been doing fine since late December.

  2. This is an amazing piece. I have been diagnosed with BPD, mood disorder nos, eating disorder and psychosis and I know much about pushing through the motions and how hard it is and can be.

    I’m glad you were able to do so. I love your writings. It’s hard with mental health to fight it but if we are going to live a life that is purposeful we have to. I’m glad to know that I am not alone in this.

    I work at Starbucks and I fight daily about going to work, sometimes I want to stay in bed and not do anything but I go and after a hour and me accepting that this is my job, I am ok.

    Keep it up. I will stay connected with you. You are a great writer!

    1. Thank you so much. I will keep your words in me to encourage me when I feel like I don’t have anything to share. Again, thank you for such kinds words, I appreciate them and I appreciate you taking the time to write them.

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