Lookout, I’m on the roller coaster ride

Right now the ride feels good.  It is exhilarating.  I am productive and energetic.

The pattern: AM- even keel.  Middle of the pole doing well.

Afternoon the change begins:  I laugh more and I want everyone else to laugh.  I want to be the cause of them laughing.  It is easy to do antics because I am high energy, don’t care who sees and I feel free.  I have come out of the box that people close to me have tried to keep me in.  It shows in my speech speed and my driving speed.  It also shows in my energy level.  It is off he chart when manic.

I become very silly.  I sing wherever I am.  I dance wherever I am.  It does not matter if it is in the store or the park.

Someone will see me and begin to laugh.  For that moment, they forget whatever they were thinking or worrying about.  At that moment life is great. For me it was worth the dancing outside the box just to make someone laugh or join in.

My take: mental illness is serious but we don’t have to live every moment in the serious box.  Part of being bipolar is being uniquely you.

People without bipolar are unique, yes, but we are uniquely us.  We are an enigma (a person of puzzling or contradictory character).

By the late afternoon into the early evening, you would swear I using illegal drugs.  Behavior is off the chart in a fun manic way but then it turns to the dark park of mania.  I get upset about something and go from 1 or 2 straight to 10 and it is not pretty.  I would not want to be around me.

I isolate myself to protect others from my rage.  The isolation is not good for me but it must be done or I will be cleaning up a lot of relationships (only a few are left).  Now instead of isolating in the house and getting depressed, I have decided to go out  of town every other weekend and do something fun to keep my mind off the separation from my family and friends until the storm passes.

Does anyone else experience this?

love to all

Persistent, Precious and Positive Patricia

Advertisements

Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

2 thoughts on “Lookout, I’m on the roller coaster ride”

  1. I do! I love being manic, I think my manic self is really my true self – minus the irritability. I feel so strong and alive when i’m up, but then the coin flips and I become this hollow shell of a being, and my depressive episodes can last up to a year, so it’s a hell of a thing. But I’m up right now, so that’s all that matters – for now 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s