Mania: a different out of control this time

This last time around mania had a field day.

It did not follow the path it normally takes.  Perhaps it was because I was not following my same routine.

This time I hardly slept.  There was even a time I did not go to sleep for over 24 hours.  Needless to say when I finally went to bed I crashed for the night.  The next night I was back to being up and out late at night.  It doesn’t matter that I was not getting into trouble being out late, but with this change in routine I was missing night medications a lot and did not realize it.  I was also not wearing my depression patch correctly. Sometimes I would forget to put it on.

I had so much energy I needed less and less sleep.  it did not matter how few hours I slept, I was refreshed when I got up.  I would start exercising between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning.

At night, I would change into my alter ego and do the opposite of what I would normally do.  For instance, I was used to being up late, but at home, not out going from place to place.  No place in particular, just whatever store was open late.  I would go from one to the other.  Wal-mart was a great place to be at night.  No pesky customers getting in your way or rude children running around screaming and almost knocking people over.

I was also on the hunt for a party.  Of course I never found any since I did not know where to look. The point is, that I am not a party person unless someone I know is having a party.  I was just looking for a good time.  I would have gone to the night club except I did not know of any.

Finally,  I had a huge blow up with one of my family members and they almost stopped speaking to me for ever.  Thankfully after we said what we had to say, we smiled.  We knew that regardless of what happened the one thing we could never change is that we are bound by blood.  We said what we felt we had to say and then it was squashed.   Things don’t always turn out that way when I have done manic damage.

What frustrates me is that people in general, whether family or close friends, do not understand that when we are out of character it is a sign that we may need intervention.  When we blowup with rage, it is a sign we are manic and may  need intervention.

This time around, I felt so alone.  I needed someone to be there to anchor me and yet there was no one, so like a ship without a compass or captain, I was lost.  I could not find my way out and there was no one there to guide me.  This was probably the longest and hardest storm of mania I have experienced in a very long time.

Have you ever been manic and felt like you were 2 or more different people because you were one way one part of the day and a different person another part of the day?

Are your mania episodes always the same?

Do you do things out of character when you are manic?

Please share.  I would really like to know.

love to all,

pb

Persistently Pursuing my Passion to be a Peer support person

Everyone needs a hand up and someone to walk with them on their journey

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

4 thoughts on “Mania: a different out of control this time”

  1. My manic episodes are slightly different. Most start out harmless enough but escalate rapidly. Sometimes there is a fine line between life of the party and a one person wrecking crew.

  2. Hey pb, I am also a bipolar 1, a rapid cycler and boy are we the life and soul of the party at times and your worst enemy at others. I find myself drawn to those who will test limits or drink too much, or party too long when I’m manic. I’m also a workaholic, both inside and outside of the home so at times my house is like a show house. But when I’m not manic, and am sliding towards depression, I am literally your worst nightmare; what I think comes out my mouth, I feel so slow compared to the manic high I get frustrated with myself and those around me, and then I hit the depression end and i lose all interest in everything; my work, my life, my friends, my family, my children and my parter. So i know exactly how you feel when you say family don’t understand. They can’t. my husband of 22 years STILL doesn’t understand and he lives this more closely than anyone else. And yes, its exhausting being bipolar. Its exhausting having to apologise, its exhausting having to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and then make reparations for the damage and chaos you have caused. And yes its terrifying that maybe the next time is the last time you will be ‘forgiven’ by your pals or family because they really think you actually are in control of your emotions and your mouth. But you know what!! We ARE strong. to have to keep doing this, time and again means we are strong, and when you get your meds right and stay on them, don’t miss ANY, it does get better, the swings get less severe, and life can be good. It can be, dare i use the word, ‘NORMAL. Hang in there, stay on line where you don’t have to explain yourself, and try and get your family to understand exactly what it is to be a bipolar survivor! That’s my tuppence worth anyway……

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