I literally felt myself as I neared the end of my mania episode.
I no longer was high energy able to go all day. I could actually feel my energy being drained as the day progressed. The confirmation that it was over was the fact that I could not stay out late as I had been doing for the last couple of weeks.
I was happy for the coping tools I came up with for the next time.
My family will probably never understand what it is like. If they could just understand my symptoms, maybe they would know that I am behaving or acting differently because of the illness not because I choose to.
Since I often do damage, I need to use damage control measures. When manic, I will not isolate myself from the places that are my safe haven but I will avoid seeing my family. It is for their protection and the protection of what relationship we still have as a result of this last episode. It may not seem like the best thing to do but it is the most logical choice I can make right now. I do not know how else to provide protection for them from my mania self.
As long as I have people who understand and can be around them, I am also safe. I can keep in touch via text messaging just to let my family know I am alright. It is only for a short time.
When I had to take radioactive iodine pills after my thyroidectomy, I had to stay away from my family for a short period of time so as not to contaminate their thyroid. Once the risk was over, I could return to being around them. Mania is the same for me. Once it passes, I can go around my family again.
Thank you all for your comments. Every one of them is greatly appreciated and so are you. It is hell having a mental illness but it is awesome to have support from people who understand even if you have not met them.
For me, one of the sad things that a lot of people do not know is that among all the mental illness diagnosis’s, bipolar has the highest suicide rate.
We need love, support and understanding. When it is not there from people in our life, then we have to turn to other resources. We cannot afford to feel alone or to give up. We need each other.
We are all totally awesome survivors
love to all
pb: Persistently and Passionately, reaching out to others as a Positive Peer because we all need a hand up