A different kind of year living with bipolar

This time last year I was suffering with major depression.  It had been going on for a few months to the point I had to be hospitalized for a week followed up by intensive outpatient therapy for a month and a half.  At the time I was discharged from the program, I had just been put on the anti-depressant EMSAM patch for major depression.

I started wearing the patch in early November and did not start to feel like my old self until late December.  The only problem was that I could feel nothing.  I had no depression but I also had no joy.   My emotions were flat.  This was better than being depressed but was not the fun me that I knew.   I was not completely out of the woods by my standards and would not be until I was laughing again.

The dosage was adjusted again and finally the real me emerged.  No mania, no depression, just me.  I was happy again.

As the spring passed and summer came, I was still feeling good.  I had one major episode of mania that was completely different than anything I had experienced before.  It was scary.  I was not me at all.  I was living as though I was two different people and I was extremely glad when it finally passed.  My doctor had to put me on additional medication for a while but it worked.   The side effects were too great and now that I am stable again, I do not need to continue taking it.  Another victory: the added medication was short term.  A victory because less medication is better if not needed.

Once the summer began to come to an end, I became fearful that the depression would return and made a plan to try to escape it.  I use the maintenance part of my toolkit to maintain a mentally healthy way of living for me.  It works.

It has been a year since I have been on the patch and I did not have to have any medication adjustments for depression since I was diagnosed in 2007.  I feel mentally healthier than I have in decades.

This was a different kind of bipolar roller coaster ride, not one I would want to repeat, nevertheless, not as bad as the other roller coaster of mania and depression several times a year.

love to all

pb: Persistently and Passionately seeking to be a Peer Support to all who want a hand up and someone there who cares and understands.




Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

2 thoughts on “A different kind of year living with bipolar”

  1. I really want to understand why the level and longevity of light affect people to a great extent, I understand that seasons affect bipolar, yet there isn’t enough correlations about brain activity. I hope your episode of mania was short lived, I’ve only experienced hypomania, but I have a suspicion that it might turn into mania eventually as any episode I have is progressively getting worse.

    1. My mania usually follows a pattern. The last time I was manic, nothing was the same. I was doing things I normally would not do, like staying out until 11 or 12 am. I am up at that time but I am usually home doing paperwork or reading. I went out to the store at 3 am one morning to return something and never once thought the store would have been closed. I was also ready to go out and party. I am not a party person. It was as though I was a totally different person at night, the opposite of the day time which is who I really was.

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