Living in the middle

Yesterday and today were rough mornings.

I felt as though I lost my purpose for wanting to live, for wanting to leave the house, for wanting anything but to sleep until the feeling was gone.

I remembered my wellness toolkit, the maintenance which says to get out of the house everyday.  They were my tools and I could choose not to use them.

The sad feeling led to me starting to cry and to doubt that I have accomplished anything lately. The feeling was becoming intense.

Finally, I listened to the maintenance voice and got dress in a hurry, grabbed my medicine in case I just kept driving and stayed over some place.

As I ran errands yesterday the feeling went away, only for me to rise this morning with the same feeling.

I am in a fight or flight mode.  I want to run, to leave Ohio and start over some place else, but I must fight the urge to pick up and leave.

Today, I had to fight my emotions and get out of the house.  I had intended to go one direction but was led to go another way.

I felt this morning as if I were living in last year’s depression and in tomorrow’s victory for escaping depression.

Living in the memory of yesterday and in the expectation of a better tomorrow.  Living in the middle, today.

Has anyone ever felt trapped between your yesterday and your tomorrow?

love to all

pb:  Persistently and Passionately Pursuing to be a Peer Support Person

Everyone, even me, needs a hand up and an ear to listen


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

One thought on “Living in the middle”

  1. It’s always incredibly difficult to do the ‘healthy’ thing – go out rather than hide in bed. Mostly my bed wins, so good for you. I’m no professional but it kinda sounds like you’re having a mixed episode. Take care

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