It’s Been A While

Lot has happened since the last post.  Mostly, I kept forgetting the password even after creating a new one.

I have started dating through a web site.  It took a few dates for goofy me to realize it is just a pick up site.  At the time it really did not matter because I was going through that hyper-sexual phase.  It was a gold mine to me at the time (so I thought).  Good thing that phase did not last too long and I did not always act upon my impulses (I had boundaries they could not, better not cross and they did not, fortunately for them)

Anyway, lately I have been talking on a regular basis with someone who seems to be nice.  We have not met in person yet and sometimes I don’t know if I want to because I already told him I am bipolar and I don’t see this going anywhere.

He often says, I do not know what I want because I change my mind about things like whether or not I want to get married or not.

He makes me laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and sometimes I even have tears from the laughter.  It is always welcome.

However, sometimes he frustrates me because I don’t seem to be able to get him to see things about me the way I feel I am.

It all brings me to this.

Will there ever be anyone who can accept me as a I.  A person who lives everyday with bipolar, a sick brain?   I want to be wanted and loved like anyone who does not have bipolar.  I often get sad because I really don’t, can’t see it happening.  How can I get rid of this desire?

Is it really almost impossible for me to have that life of being in a loving relationship?
Does it really make any sense for me to meet this man when I know there could not be anything except friendship?

Advertisements

Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

3 thoughts on “It’s Been A While”

  1. To quote someone famous… It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved. I believe assuming that no one can love you or have a real relationship with you is a mistake. That person might be hard to find, but I believe they exist.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s