Lot has happened since the last post. Mostly, I kept forgetting the password even after creating a new one.
I have started dating through a web site. It took a few dates for goofy me to realize it is just a pick up site. At the time it really did not matter because I was going through that hyper-sexual phase. It was a gold mine to me at the time (so I thought). Good thing that phase did not last too long and I did not always act upon my impulses (I had boundaries they could not, better not cross and they did not, fortunately for them)
Anyway, lately I have been talking on a regular basis with someone who seems to be nice. We have not met in person yet and sometimes I don’t know if I want to because I already told him I am bipolar and I don’t see this going anywhere.
He often says, I do not know what I want because I change my mind about things like whether or not I want to get married or not.
He makes me laugh so hard that my stomach hurts and sometimes I even have tears from the laughter. It is always welcome.
However, sometimes he frustrates me because I don’t seem to be able to get him to see things about me the way I feel I am.
It all brings me to this.
Will there ever be anyone who can accept me as a I. A person who lives everyday with bipolar, a sick brain? I want to be wanted and loved like anyone who does not have bipolar. I often get sad because I really don’t, can’t see it happening. How can I get rid of this desire?
Is it really almost impossible for me to have that life of being in a loving relationship?
Does it really make any sense for me to meet this man when I know there could not be anything except friendship?