A little lost

At one point I felt I was on a good path to doing some good things in my life to help other people.

Lately, I feel as though I am just walking in circles.  I have no idea what I am doing.

I feel as though my head is in a fog.  I have no idea what type of work to look for and that makes me a little sad.

I want to just pick up and leave everything I have and get in my car and drive until I reach a place that feels like home.

I need to feel the sun on my face everyday.

I want to see the ocean from the window of the beach house

I see myself walking along the edge where the water just touches the sand and the sandy golden retriever is right by my side.

I see myself in a white free flowing dress and big white hat, dancing on the beach while there is no one around.

At the end of the day, I see my few friends and I sitting around a fire, laughing, listening to music and dancing with the flame of the fire.

I see nothing beyond these things and that makes me feel lost because in reality, I cannot see any of these things.  I do not know how to make them happy.

Right now I am in limbo.  I still say, Life is Totally Awesome and it is.

For me though, there is something missing.

Do you ever feel like there is something spectacular missing in your life?

I know these dreams are not because of my mental illness, but yet I do not know where they come from.  Some of them have always been there.  These dreams are so vivid, I can almost touch the sand or pet the dog.

I long to be someone other than here.  Here in the state i live.  Here, other than in the state of mind of limbo I find myself in.  I am not manic, therefore I am not creative enough to think of how to make these things happen when there are no visible resources.

I am not depressed so I am not feeling hopeless like they will never happen.

Just in limbo.  Mental limbo.  This is what I envision, this is what is real, yet these dreams seem so out of reach.

confused??? so am I. 🙂


Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

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