At one point I felt I was on a good path to doing some good things in my life to help other people.
Lately, I feel as though I am just walking in circles. I have no idea what I am doing.
I feel as though my head is in a fog. I have no idea what type of work to look for and that makes me a little sad.
I want to just pick up and leave everything I have and get in my car and drive until I reach a place that feels like home.
I need to feel the sun on my face everyday.
I want to see the ocean from the window of the beach house
I see myself walking along the edge where the water just touches the sand and the sandy golden retriever is right by my side.
I see myself in a white free flowing dress and big white hat, dancing on the beach while there is no one around.
At the end of the day, I see my few friends and I sitting around a fire, laughing, listening to music and dancing with the flame of the fire.
I see nothing beyond these things and that makes me feel lost because in reality, I cannot see any of these things. I do not know how to make them happy.
Right now I am in limbo. I still say, Life is Totally Awesome and it is.
For me though, there is something missing.
Do you ever feel like there is something spectacular missing in your life?
I know these dreams are not because of my mental illness, but yet I do not know where they come from. Some of them have always been there. These dreams are so vivid, I can almost touch the sand or pet the dog.
I long to be someone other than here. Here in the state i live. Here, other than in the state of mind of limbo I find myself in. I am not manic, therefore I am not creative enough to think of how to make these things happen when there are no visible resources.
I am not depressed so I am not feeling hopeless like they will never happen.
Just in limbo. Mental limbo. This is what I envision, this is what is real, yet these dreams seem so out of reach.
confused??? so am I. 🙂