The tears started to flow for no reason. I know this type of crying is because of the bipolar. It’s the one where you cry and cry for no reason, the tears will not stop despite what you do to distract yourself and you have that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach. The one you cannot explain so people can understand.
I lit a candle to help focus on the flame as it appeared to dance for my pleasure, to make me stop crying and smile. As the balloon with the saying I love floated toward the ceiling, even that was trying to amuse me.
Neither worked very long.
Was it because I had a trigger earlier? I was doing fine going about my morning routine and keeping track of time to make sure I did not miss my next med. I sat down to do some paperwork and out of nowhere I started crying. Try as hard as I might, the tears would not stop. They were in control.
The trigger: the continual thought living alone because of my mental illness. That absolutely no one under any circumstance would want to deal with the “drama of bipolar” as I was told. My answer was, true, but what do you think about the person that has to live with it everyday.
The sad truth that the only person that can tolerate living with me and my mood swings is someone who has them also.
The thought of this makes me ask God why do I have this love to give and no one to give it to, it does not seem fair.
A man that I was interested in (briefly) stated no one wanted to deal with drama of bipolar. My comment: how do you think the person living with bipolar feels. He had no answer.
Most people have their own thinking about mental illness do not want to date and sometimes do not want to have us as friends..Their loss, we are super people with a lot to contribute to this world.
Getting back to the question: Who can live with a person with bipolar. I don’t know. So far I have not met anyone that wants a relationship with me (a companion)
Perhaps, I am meeting them when I am manic and that may be the drama the man was speaking about. Maybe I am telling them to soon about being bipolar
What am I doing wrong?
Does love come to people with bipolar? Not the stars we hear about on t.v. or see in the movies. But people who do not live in the limelight?
For anyone with a companion: what advice do offer? Is it a stable relationship? Tell me what you can.
Am I doing it wrong or am I in all the wrong places?