One of my favorite songs is by Patti La belle: It’s a new day”
I am going to print the lyrics and put them in my car and on my mirror and yes, even the door to the garage.
Everyday is a new day even though the bipolar is there and I don’t know how I will be that day. Will I function well, be manic, depressed, have mixed episodes. I don’t know and I am not silly enough to even try to think ahead and figure it out. I just know that it is a new day and anything and everything good, bad and not so good can happen, but life is never boring.
One line of the song says,” I decided long ago, I can make it on my own. Gonna be alright, gonna be alright, yeah”.
Today I realized how true that is. I remembered that 10 years ago before I moved out of our marital home, I said to myself, I am going to be alright. I can make it on my own.
Mary J Blige,” I can do bad all by myself”. So, if I can do bad by myself, I damn sure can do good all by myself.
I have to be able to be alright and do good by myself before someone comes along. He needs to see, damn she has what??? and has it together. She is a fighter every day to live on her own terms despite the terms the bipolar sets for her. I admire her spirit and tenacity and how she advocates for herself and others. What an amazing woman. I can love her through the ups and downs. I may not know what to say at times, but I believe just being there for her without judgement, knowing it is her illness, will greatly help keep us together.
If no one comes along for a loving relationship, I am still gonna be alright. Life is good whatever state of mind I am in because I was depressed, manic, suicidal, had mixed episodes and rage. I lost some relationships along the way, that will never be repaired. I have had to accept that some people in my family do not understand, but it is what it is. It is a sick part of my brain. I am happy to know that it does not last forever.
I am reminded of a scripture in the bible says, God will put no more on us than we can bare. Well, that has been true in the past and I have to keep holding on to that when I wonder how will I get through this because I am not only gonna be alright, even in the midst of chaos, I am alright because even though it does not feel like it at the moment, this depression or mania will pass.