Everyday I wake up and thank God for waking me up and giving me another day.
I think the greatest challenge I have faced so far, is the challenge of controlling the rage I feel when I am manic. I explain to people I will never be on the same anger level at the same time, feeling the same way.
When they are at annoyance, I am already at anger. When they reach anger, I am already at rage much like going from mild David Banner to the incredible Hawk. The difference is that I will go after anyone in my path just because.
Everything I do when manic seems to be, “Just because”. No reason(reasons) for my irritability, anger and rage.
Peace and serenity would be great to have when coming down from mania. They do not seem to appear. Rage like the incredible Hawk is what I get instead.
Once a person told me that there was nothing wrong with me. They stated I did not need a psychiatrist. I was at a low point and became confused. What if this person was right and all this was just in my mind.
The next challenge is to block out what people say about me living with a mental illness is that they do not understand the changes they see in me are not my fault. I cannot control the part of my brain that tells me the logical thing to do. The challenge is to let the pain and anger go, that they don’t even try to understand.. There answer is that I am “in a mood” or tired. When do I get to have my breakdown? Yes, I am in a mood but you do not try to understand why, what is different about this mood. They do not see the sadness that I try to hide the internal sadness or the pain that is on my face.
Of course, the greatest challenge is living with this condition alone. There is nothing anyone can do including me, to help prevent these episodes without leaning on medication. Staying on a schedule to maintain the levels in my body is another challenge.
I have to know that something is wrong with my brain and it cannot be cured but it can be treated.
Forget the negative things people say and move on. You know who you are, don’t let anyone or another thing tell you you are different.
You are an amazing person>
You live with bipolar and survive everyday.