I failed myself again

Lately I have been feeling a little needy.

I recently met this guy who seemed to be okay but I grew tired of him not showing up when he said he would.

The best thing I should have done was to say forget it.  I don’t think this is going to work out.  It’s not you, it’s me.

But no, not me, because I was starting to feel needy and the guy I really want to be with is not into me. I thought seeing this new guy  would be a good way to stop throwing myself at the one who is not into me.

Now that I started something, it is blowing beyond the direction I want to go.

He told me not to be calling him every five minutes.  He did not understand I kept calling and texting because he said he was going to move some furniture for me.  I started moving it myself but realized it was heavier than I thought.  He never called to tell me, he was coming over.  I believe I deserved a phone call or text telling me he changed his plans.  I ended up struggling but moving it myself.  Determination will get you where you want to go.

He also says every night or in the morning he has things to do.  What the hell do you have to do all day, everyday.   If he has said he was coming over, it is hours, if at all.

How did I fail myself: I did everything I was not supposed to do: I called numerous times, I texted numerous long text messages and I started something he expects to be finished.

I failed myself because I said I would be careful next time and see someone for a while before I started something, to make sure this is the person I wanted to be with.

It would be someone who listened and would not try to give advice without hearing the whole story or at least a summation.

I did not go as far as sleeping with him which is what he now expects.  I was being a tease and it backfired.  That’s mainly what I do when I am hyper-sexual.  I get them to a place of wanting and then I back off or they back off.  Only one person wanted to go the distance but that was not my plan or the plan explained to me.  That put me in a dangerous situation because no one knew where I was and things could have turned for the worst.

I was extremely fortunate to get out of there with no harm.

Now, I believe I will tell this guy, that I am sorry but I do not feel this is going to work out because of me.  I kept saying I was sorry that I started something.  I really need to figure how to get out of this thing.

This guy actually reminds me of two other people, maybe that is what the attraction was at first.  The bottom line is I have to get this thing (this hyper-sexuality) under control.

Any more suggestions how to end this before it goes to far then I will really begin to hate myself.

 

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Author: Fighter

I finally accepted what people have been telling me. I am full of knowledge and wisdom and I am unforgettable. My word of encouragement since 2015 has been to let others know, despite the waves and ripples in our lives, Life is totally awesome, even with a mental illness. I believe my purpose is to encourage others, advocate for those around me who have not yet found their voice to advocate for themselves and educate those without a mental illness. If for one for minute someone laughs or smiles because of something I said, that is one moment they did not think about mental illness.

5 thoughts on “I failed myself again”

  1. You deserve someone better who loves every aspect of you, even if your feeling needy. He should invest as much time as you do. When you find that person your more secure with you’ll find you get less panicky. Maybe you should just call it a day and keep yourself busy, not with another boy but with something else that makes you genuinely happy. I really do believe theres someone for everyone! Wish you all the best and hope you get things to how you want them xx

    1. I finally realize that I am an interesting and worthwhile person. I do not need to settle for just anyone.
      I am complete and do not expect a man to man me a whole person.
      I am getting back into projects (as soon as I clean my office. I rearranged it. that is turning into a day after day project When I was busy working on different projects I had not time for relationships if they were real. There is someone who will love me for me through the ups and downs. I have to keep remembering my worth. Thank up

  2. definitely something to keep in mind, especially when feeling low when you are depressed or think you should settle because that is all you are good for. Thanks for sharfing

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