Sometime i think bipolar is something made up. I believe the only mental illness is schizophrenia.
Sometimes I can’t tell my personality from the illness. I just don’t know.
When I am this thing called “manic”I do notice my level of irritability increase s.
It is at this time I just don’t know if it is me or the illness because I say and do things that are very unkind. Normally, it upsets me when I hurt someones’ feelings. This causes, chaos, broken relationships and sometime irreparable relationships.
I think if family really took the time to learn about my illness and me as the individual I am I would not feel the need to run away and hide when mania gets out of control. Maybe it would not escalate to the level it does. Maybe they would realize there are things you do not say to a person with a mental illness, no matter how innocent you think the statement is.
I just don’t know why we fight to get out from under stigma and the people that surround us are the main ones who make it impossible. Sometime they are our family, friends, and even other people with mental illness. I just don’t understand.
I am not depressed but I am sad and I begin to cry everyday and cannot seem to stop. I have no desire or use for food. Why was I so mean. What the hell is wrong with me. Am I really a nice people person always trying to bring a ray of sunshine even but for a moment. That moment may be something that the person holds onto and helps them when things start going to the depths of depression. That one moment may be the thing they hold onto to stay just above the surface of depression.
I just don’t know which is the real me, my real personality at the time. I know it is becasue I am told this thing called bipolar changes my mood. Is it changing my mood or me? I just don’t know.