Sometimes a thought will flicker in my mind just for a moment, but that moment seems like the thought has been there for a while.
It grips me for whatever reason I do not understand and I begin to cry. The tears roll, my eyes are red and my nose will not stop running. My face is such that I cannot hide it.
Sometimes there seems there is no reason or rationality. Maybe at that moment I was laughing about something or enjoying an activity. Then I feel the pain in my heart. Not a pain that medicine or the doctor can fix: it is the pain of crying welling up on the inside beginning to make its’ way out.
It only takes a moment to feel this way before I know the dam will break.
That seems to be crying for no reason and I think that is part of the bipolar, the sad leading into depression part if we are not aware of our pattern of this.
Sometimes, someone can say something to me and for no reason it has a negative effect even though it was not their intention to make me feel that way. Nevertheless, I feel as if I have done something wrong or just feel like crying for no reason. They never said anything cruel.
I think what is might be is that they are saying I do not ask for help with financial things because of pride or whatever the reason. They are making assumptions and I do not feel capable of defending myself at the time. There words are coming at me so fast and my thinking of a response comes very slow. I believe they are basing their reaction to my tears because they feel I am weak or overly sensitive.
I try to explain it is not anything that was said. It is important for me to try to do things for myself and that I do not want to ask anyone out of the mental health family to help me. We understand or try to . I believe we help each other sometimes by sharing and sometimes just by being there and letting them know we understand.
So my question is, when there is no apparent reason for me to cry is that the bipolar or me being sensitive to nothing.
Am I crying because someone has misjudged me and I believe there is no explaining so they understand.
Why am I crying? Does this happen to anyone else and do you feel it is part of our illness or no.