About me 2: 3 months and going

I am living with the ups and downs, highs and lows, mania and depression of bipolar 1 also known as mani-depression.

It makes life very interesting because no two days or parts of a day, are ever alike.  Most people say the same thing.  No two days are ever alike.  But with a mental illness, trust me, you are guaranteed that sometimes you mood is never the same on the same day.  It can go from one extreme to the other, seemingly without any reason.  How many people can say that?

Someone I used to live with once said “I never know what I am going to get when I come home” In other words, they never knew what kind of mood they were walking into.  Hostile or loving and caring.  Even to this day, I say to myself sometimes, I never know what kind of mood I am going to be in from one part of the day to the next. Sometimes it may be from one moment to the next.  I might find myself charming one moment and irritable the next (for no apparent reason), leaving me always on guard.  Never settled in with myself.

Living with a mental illness (bipolar 1 in my case) is challenging, sometimes rewarding (when manic creativity pays off) and sometimes scary (when depression envelopes me).

The challenge is to stay under the radar of the hole of depression and not to elevate too high above a manic episode.  To me, one position is just as dangerous as the other.

I guess you can say, the challenge is to find the balance.

I like some of the mania because it enables me to be creative and pursue my dreams.  One by one, my goals, my dreams are becoming a reality.  As small a goal as it may seem, writing this blog was a goal.  Maintaining it is a goal.

Writing an e-book is a goal that will soon be completed.  This is my creative side.  My keyboard is my painting tool and the words are my ink.  This is my canvas.  I try to paint my words for all to see and hopefully they will find words of inspiration and encouragement.  After all, isn’t that what art are does?  Inspire?

The reason I sign off, love to all, is because we all need to hear that we are loved.

Reason for peanut butter name:  my initials really are PB.  Someone once called me peanut butter and jelly.  Peanut butter stuck.  It makes me more memorable to the people I actually meet and makes me smile if no one else.

Purpose to have an awesome day: if we don’t have a purpose for getting up, laying in bed becomes so easy.  It becomes a norm.  Purposing to have an awesome day gets us thinking before we pull the covers off.

Love to all and purpose to have an awesome day.

Drop me a line and let me know how awesome your day is: mybipolarworld52@gmail.com.  I would love to hear from you.

pb aka peanut butter

4 thoughts on “About me 2: 3 months and going”

    1. For me it varies. I can’t really say one is more than the other. By the time I get to the psychaitrist I am very depressed and in need of a medication change. It starts as sadness and I say to myself it will pass, but it doesn’t. The emotional pain gets so overwhelming it makes it hard to funciton after a while.

      1. Now that you say that, it seems like I go down until I go up and up. Sometimes I stop before my mania gets out of control. I have a game plan when manic to make sure I don’t go over the top. Depression plan is a work in progress. I am now on the patch for depression. Let’s see if it works.

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