Oh Boy

I did it this time.

It seems as though my mother always seem to get the brunt end of my manic rages unless by chance I get to see the therapist.

Therapist.  Have not seen one in a while and that has proven to be a big mistake.  Instead of taking frustration out on mom, could have put all that anger and rage to the therapist.  She knows what is going on and pays the rage and anger no attention.  She is able to see past  that and know it is mania.

No therapist, rage unrestrained and in text messages: which is worse, text or phone talk or even face to face.

I say, if it is a family  member, neither is the best way.  Just find a therapist or a rock and shout what you need to.  Go someplace where there is an echo and you will hear what you were about to say to someone you love.  To someone that your words have the potential to hurt not only their feelings but the relationship and there goes another one, another relationship.  Hopefully mom will understand.

Maybe by some small chance mom understands  a little about bipolar and knows that rage is part of your mania.  Still, she will only take so much.

What about your siblings that don’t understand?  They are more than will to kick your ass for disrespecting mom.  Illness, what illness.

Maybe you used the same person as a frustrated screaming board, one time to many.  Let’s face it, they do not know what is going on (most of the people we know), at least not in my family.

What do you do when you cannot control your rage and people you love are getting the brunt end of it, especially mom/ dad.

How do you handle the rage in general?

It sneaks up on me and I begin to think bipolar is something made up and that I am really just a bitch.  (excuse the language) I begin to think, I really am this mean.  The other side of me says, you are sick and people just do not know, understand or rather say you disrespectful.

So, any answers: 1. Can and how do you control your rage?

2. Is your rage purposely directed at the person you are anger with or just a substitute

3. Has the relationship taken a beating

4. Have any of your relationships been permanently destroyed.

Here is a new one:  does someone think you just want attention?  That you are a drama person?    WTH






The Greatest Fight

I am talking about the greatest fight going on in our time.  It is not between  two opponents in a ring.

The  opponents I am talking about, one does not fight fair.  He loves to do a sneak attack.

He finds great pleasure in hurting you whether you are standing strong on your feet or he has knocked you down and you are wobbly on your feet, but you do manage to stand.

This opponent challenges you a great deal and does not seem to accept “no” for an answer.

After he antagonizes you for days, you finally give in and decide to accept his challenge and fight back.

You do the opposite of everything he expects you to do.  He tries to knock you down but this time you stand tall.  You might even bring in some partners to deal with his his team.

Depression is the name of the sneaky opponent.  He does not play fair.  He does a sneak attack every time.  When you are down, you do not feel like fighting.  You feel as though you have no strength.

Depression brings in part of his team: worthless, hopeless, purposeless.

What he does not realize, is that you have your own team, worthy, hopeful, purpose.  Your trainers are named, Psychiatrist and Therapist.

The fight is carried out in your mind and it is a daily battle for some. This opponent is determined to keep you down (in bed, suicide ideology, why am I here.  I am tired of  this indescribable pain.

Once you start fighting back, you challenge depression and bipolar (his manager with mental illness as the co-owner)

Support system (family, friends, other people with a mental illness  diagnosis that know what it is like, are standing by your side).  Psychiatrist  and therapist train you and now you are strong enough to get up and stand.  Hopeless, worthless, purposeless are still hanging around for the next round.

They will keep attacking you ever so often, but since you know depression’s game plan, you can knock him out with medication com pliancy, knowing you are worthwhile and listening to  your support system.

Our enemy depression will keep coming back sometimes sooner, sometimes months or year later.  We will fight and win again.  We did it this time and we will do  it again.

Let’s fight depression let him know, we have our weapons and we will not hand over our mind to them.  We will fight everyday to keep us safe.

We are victors because we protected the mind from destruction and we remain in reality.