Like the eagle I soar

Bipolar Disorder (Photo credit: SheriW1223)

Yesterday was by no means an easy day, but because I used my wellness tools and got dressed, out of the house, diverted my attention with great effort to other things, I was able to stay safe.

When nothing else was left to do but sleep (for I had to succumb to sleep.  I slept for the rest of the day into the early evening.  Ate dinner and went back to sleep till late night.  Did a couple of things on the computer and went to bed for the night.  I stayed safe.  Followed my wellness tools which includes a safety plan and made it through the night again.  Above all, God brought me through the night.  I don’t know how many times I was able to lay down in spite of a fear to fall asleep because of feeling some type of impending doom, it not for my faith in God.

This morning, I am not at the top yet, but I have managed to get off the ground and like the eagle I will soar.  I will fly alone, but high.  That’s how an eagle flies.  Alone but high.

Bald Eagle soaring over Lake Nipissing (Photo credit: Liam Quinn)

I will soar above the pit of depression and get back to where I need to be.  Regular sleep at the right time, productive, but not overly busy.  Able to leave the house without first feeling anxious and panicky.

Let me stop with another myth and fact about bipolar disorder from DBSA pamphlet titled : Myths and Facts about Depression and Bipolar Disorder

Myth: Treatment is a cop-out for people who are too weak to cope with day-to-day life.

Fact:  Seeking treatment is a smart choice that takes strength.  Mood disorders are not flaws or weaknesses.  Seeking treatment means a person has the courage to look for a way to feel better.

My response:  Treatment has been the smart choice for me.  Without it, I would not have made myself a bipolar wellness toolkit.  Without it, I would have no goals because I would not see a future with bipolar.  I would still be seeing failure from the past, present and future.  Now I see that nothing beats a failure but a try.  A try gone undone is a failure.  Making an attempt is the lst step in success.

Without treatment I would not have established people for support.  A team, to help me when I am in a storm.  To help me fight to swim and not sink.

It took courage for me to admit to myself and everyone else, that I have a mental illness.  Bipolar disorder aka manic-depression.  Bipolar disorder 1- the most severe with psychosis.  I don’t wear it as a badge of honor but I know it is a part of me.  I don’t let it rule me.  Sometimes it gets in the driver seat, but I take control by having a plan of action.  Bipolar might drive for a distance, but I can shorten that distance by using that plan of action.  The plan of action is in my bipolar wellness toolkit.

It is also reaching out via this site and having had someone reach back.  Thank you.  That is what this blog is about.  Reaching out to others and having them reach back.

Develop you own plan of action, so you have something in place before you need it.

Stay strong and be encouraged

love to all

pb aka peanut butter

Dealing with multiple disorders

Vortex (Photo credit: Loozrboy)

Today was a very upside down day.  I was literally moving around all day since getting up at about 6 am.  I was not ready to stay seated for more than 5 minutes until about 8:40 pm.  I thought I was exhausted enough to just fall out on the bed around 6:30pm, but after eating food with protein, I caught a second wind and felt calmer.  More like being back in mainstream.  I went out and got some fresh air.  Just went to pick up meds, but got out of the house.

I was manic and anxious all day.  Could not stop moving.  So of course something in every room was changed around within the room or into another room.

My mind would not stop racing with new and fresh ideas for Mental Health Advocacy and getting the message of the word of God out.  There are also plans for a book about bipolar life and true decorating on a budget.  (Be on the lookout, we are more than bipolar.  Sorry, we are not bipolar, we have been diagnosed with bipolar.  It is what we have, not who we are.)

I know there are already books people with bipolar have written but listening to the news there does not seem to be enough voices that have yet been heard.  There are signals to a troubled person but people don’t know the person needs help because they don’t know the signs, the symptoms, the red flags.  Sometimes even our family members may not know until something tragic happens.  We need to educate people.

Along with bipolar, we can experience PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder, panic and anxiety disorder, clinical depression and other disorders.  People, the population, everyone, needs to be made more aware of what the signs are so  more people can get help, support, treatment and finally find peace to reach out for help when they know they are in crisis mode or before they get that far.

We have to deal with one disorder at a time.  We have to be our own advocate for mental and physical health care, especially when they overlap.  We must make the Drs. listen to what we have to say.  We know our body, what goes on in our mind, better than they do.  We know how the medication makes us feel.  If we can function better or worse without it.  Having a mental illness does not mean we do not have the right to have a life of quality but we have to fight for it by letting them know how the medication makes us feel and if it prohibits us from living and not just existing.

I am a two time cancer survivor as well as manic-depressive or bipolar as some would say.  I have one kidney the size of a pea.  So small it can hardly be seen on an ultrasound.  The other is full size and operates at 52%.  There are other medical and mental conditions.

I have bipolar 1 with psychosis and still to me, Life is Great.  I don’t struggle with any of these illness, yes, they exist in my body, but they struggle with me because I do not give in to them.  I do not sit still and let these illnesses dictate what and how I live my life. Just because I don’t feel capable or up to doing something at that very moment does not mean it will not get done.   If I can’t do one thing, I find something else I can do and excel at it.

That is how I deal with multiple disorders.  Anxiety and panic attacks.  I grab my keys no matter how bummy I look at get out of the house.  Walk, sit on the patio, go for a very short drive if not manic.  If manic, my #1 rule is not to drive.  Breathe, use my toolkit, do yoga, focus on something calming.

Depression and mania- use toolkit, support system, family, doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, sometimes even a stranger just walks up to me and says something encouraging without even knowing me.  Make sure you know and have on speed dial, the crisis hotline number for your area as well as your most supportive support person and mental health team members.

Life is good and gets better with each storm I come through.  The storms are horrible, I lie not.  I hate the storms, but when I come through, I am stronger.  A survivor and at peace.

Love to all and good night.  Remember, along with bipolar you may or may not have other mental disorders or physical ailments, but you are still here and reading this or walking or talking with someone, you got out of bed and someone loves you so life is good.  Handle one disorder at a time and it will get you to be able to handle the next.