Support system

A support system is an invaluable tool for getting and staying mentally healthy.

Your support system may or may not include family and good friends, but it definitely should include a good psychiatrist and therapist.

Your psychiatrist should be a person who listens to you so he/she knows if your medication needs to be adjusted or changed.  He/she should also be able to tell by talking with you if your are improving and if you need to be seen more often or less.  You will never have to stop but the time in between your visits should be longer.  Most important, they should sit down, ask you questions and really listen to your answers as well as make sure your questions are answered.

I believe that a good therapist is a key support person.  They should genuinely care about you as an individual and you should be able to feel that you are a person and not just another client on paper.  You should be comfortable talking to them and should never feel rushed during a session (although we are on the clock because of the time the insurance company approves).

I am extremely blessed to have an awesome therapist.  Whenever I need to see her before a scheduled appointment she always tries to accommodate me (rarely has she not been able to).  And when she can’t get me in, she talks to me on the phone until I am in a better frame of mind.  Being able to talk to her has kept me from doing a lot of impulsive and sometimes dangerous things.

When I travel, she is on speed dial and there has been many times that I needed her when I have been away.  I truly thank God for her.

There were a few times while I was on a trip that I went into manic mode or just hysterical.  I was able to reach out to her and she helped pull me through.   I was able to hold on until I returned home and was able to get the help I needed.  She is truly a God sent.

I think what I love the most is that I am able to talk about my faith and she encourages me to do so as part of my wellness and recovery.

There should be more therapists like her.

Make sure you are comfortable with your therapist.  He/she is the one you will probably have the most contact with when you need help learning how to get through your mania, depression and those impulsive moments.

Love to all

pb aka peanut butter

Remember to purpose to have an awesome day.

 

Gloom

Wet, cold and gloomy today

Seemed like it was sunnier when I was up earlier and imagined it to be so.

Now that daylight has broken through, it actually is gloomy and cold

It is hard to imagine laughter when it is cold and gloomy.

You don’t have to be depressed to feel this way, the weather does the job all by itself.

I did all the right things in my toolkit, although I am debating keeping my psychotherapy appointment today.

I am almost numb, not feeling sad, depressed, manic, nothing.  Just……

Looking for a Eureka moment.  I guess it just happens.

Wait, let me imagine a bit of sunshine and see if that helps motivate.

Sunshine (Photo credit: FurLined)

peanut butter

Eureka !!!

The day had a lot of twists and turns but it turned out fine in the end.

Twister…Ride it Out (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I got a lot of things accomplished.  Not all the things on my list were done today but I did go to the thrift store for a little light therapy.

I got 4 books for a $1.72 and had a cheap lunch and some coffee from McDonalds’.  I really treated myself today.

Finally finished up the projects at home that I had been working on (did not cave to depression or the no drive mania)  Score 1 for me and 0 for manic-depression stopping me from having a good day.  I fought through the conflicting emotions.

There were moments of depression that threatened to stop me in my tracks,

         but I kept telling myself, it will not always be this way. Even though it seems like one long endless night, it will get better and there will be a sunny day (mood wise).

Doing some meditation at the therapist office really helped calmed me down since I was still in high gear when I got there. Was sitting on the edge of the chair but soon relaxed and sat back focused on my breathing and allowed myself to let the anxiety go.

We decided that I definitely need to work on things other than how to live with the bipolar.  I am going 75 miles an hour sometimes shifting gears between depression and hypo-mania that it is difficult to use all the tools in the toolkit but I did use some of them this weekend and this morning.

Whenever I get dressed, it is major victory, especially if I stick to the plan and wear a light colored top.  It brightens up my face and I usually get a compliment, so it must be working.

Actually getting out of the house is another victory.  Staying in does nothing good for my mood, no matter how much I find to do.

Still, I am getting a little anxious about going back home.  I don’t know how my mood is going to shift if at all. Hopefully, I will be too tired to think about anything except taking my night meds and going to bed.  Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.

hope you had a better day than you thought,

love to all

pb aka peanut butter

Rambling

Published by the American Psychiatric Association, the DSM-IV-TR provides a common language and standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Talking with my therapist today, I remind myself that I go around and around with this bipolar diagnosis.

I know for myself, according to several therapists and psychiatrists that I am bipolar, rather I have been diagnosed with bipolar.

Someone close to me usually rattles my cage of belief because something I do may be characteristic of something other than bipolar. I tend to forget that in addition to bipolar I have been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety and panic disorder as well.  So there are a few things going on here.

My behavior (although annoying to me and others at times) is often less desirable when I am feeling abandoned.  Yes, I have abandonment issues.  I have been told by someone that everyone does.  I don’t think that person understands that my issues are that people will leave me.  It started when I was a child and carries over into relationships.  Perhaps that is why I subconsciously sabotoge them and at the same time yearn for them.

Lonliness and sadness leads to destructive behavior becasue I lash out at those who are far away but I want to be near.  it is nothing either of us can do, nevertheless, I act out.  A grown person acting out (right there, it speaks- issues).

I know everything I feel is not a result of being manic-depressive, but being so does not help how I feel.  What others with no mental illness do not understand, we all feel the same thing, it is just magnified for some of us and when sadness festers it turns into a crippling depression.  I try to run from it when I notice it, but sometimes it starts very subtle.

I know that I have a mental illness.  That has already been established many times over and try as I might, I cannot wish it or will it away.  Unfortunately, I do experience the same things in life others experiene but with magnification and extremes.  That is where the mania and depression come in.  Sometimes the reslut of a trigger, sometimes not.  It just is.

Someday, I will have it figured out and won’t feel like I am rambling, like today.

I guess, in a nutshell: I have bipolar.  Not as determined by me, a family member, friend or acquaintance.  According to the criteria of the DSM-IV manual.  I have the symptoms and the diagnosis has been made over and over.

Accept it pb, I say and try to move forward.

trying to articulate my thoughts and feeling today, but not doing a good job.  This is a moment of confusion of thoughts.  This is bipolar.  I feel sad, but not depressed.  I feel almost numb and that I like becasue lately the alternative has been more down.  Never quite making it or staying at the even keel point.

Bedtime comes earlier and earlier.  I do not want to be with my thoughts.  I know that is not normal, regardless of what someone says to me. I know how I feel.  I can’t always put it into words and that is where the impulsive behavior comes into play.

I must remember, that not everyone understands.  Even I don’t understand most of the time, hence this blog.

The roller coaster ride of bipolar

English: The Kraken roller coaster ride at Seaworld in . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One thing for sure, no two days are alike for anyone especially those with bipolar disorder.  Some days are like a roller coaster ride.  Some weeks are roller coaster rides and if you are lucky maybe you won’t have to change rides for months.  That means no roller coaster.  Just one ride for a while, then it changes to another.  Meaning you go for months sailing along normal or mainstream, then the shift occurs.  

The ride starts climbing to mania or goes down to depression.  Whether it is daily, weekly or monthly changes, it is a roller coaster because roller coasters climb up to a peak and then descend down.  Our mood goes up to mania and down to depression, then it returns to normal, going across.

A Vekoma Boomerang roller coaster at Wild Adventures (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What ever part of the ride you are on, hold on.  Don’t just hang on because you may fall faster, but hold on, because you get a tighter grip.  Hold on to reality.  Hold on with all the strength you have.  Don’t let the ride get out of control by just giving in to it.  Fight like your life depends on it not to go down into the dark hole of depression or to the highest part of mania.

We know that with bipolar disorder there will be mania and there will be depression but we can get a grip on both with medication, psychotherapy and support.

We don’t have to experience the extreme of either end of the pole.  It is manageable.  Even though there is no cure for mental illness, it is treatable and treatment is imperative to living life.

Seek out and form a treatment plan before the next roller coaster ride if you have not already done so.

love to all, be good to you and purpose to have an awesome day

pb aka peanut butter

Like the eagle I soar

Bipolar Disorder (Photo credit: SheriW1223)

Yesterday was by no means an easy day, but because I used my wellness tools and got dressed, out of the house, diverted my attention with great effort to other things, I was able to stay safe.

When nothing else was left to do but sleep (for I had to succumb to sleep.  I slept for the rest of the day into the early evening.  Ate dinner and went back to sleep till late night.  Did a couple of things on the computer and went to bed for the night.  I stayed safe.  Followed my wellness tools which includes a safety plan and made it through the night again.  Above all, God brought me through the night.  I don’t know how many times I was able to lay down in spite of a fear to fall asleep because of feeling some type of impending doom, it not for my faith in God.

This morning, I am not at the top yet, but I have managed to get off the ground and like the eagle I will soar.  I will fly alone, but high.  That’s how an eagle flies.  Alone but high.

Bald Eagle soaring over Lake Nipissing (Photo credit: Liam Quinn)

I will soar above the pit of depression and get back to where I need to be.  Regular sleep at the right time, productive, but not overly busy.  Able to leave the house without first feeling anxious and panicky.

Let me stop with another myth and fact about bipolar disorder from DBSA pamphlet titled : Myths and Facts about Depression and Bipolar Disorder

Myth: Treatment is a cop-out for people who are too weak to cope with day-to-day life.

Fact:  Seeking treatment is a smart choice that takes strength.  Mood disorders are not flaws or weaknesses.  Seeking treatment means a person has the courage to look for a way to feel better.

My response:  Treatment has been the smart choice for me.  Without it, I would not have made myself a bipolar wellness toolkit.  Without it, I would have no goals because I would not see a future with bipolar.  I would still be seeing failure from the past, present and future.  Now I see that nothing beats a failure but a try.  A try gone undone is a failure.  Making an attempt is the lst step in success.

Without treatment I would not have established people for support.  A team, to help me when I am in a storm.  To help me fight to swim and not sink.

It took courage for me to admit to myself and everyone else, that I have a mental illness.  Bipolar disorder aka manic-depression.  Bipolar disorder 1- the most severe with psychosis.  I don’t wear it as a badge of honor but I know it is a part of me.  I don’t let it rule me.  Sometimes it gets in the driver seat, but I take control by having a plan of action.  Bipolar might drive for a distance, but I can shorten that distance by using that plan of action.  The plan of action is in my bipolar wellness toolkit.

It is also reaching out via this site and having had someone reach back.  Thank you.  That is what this blog is about.  Reaching out to others and having them reach back.

Develop you own plan of action, so you have something in place before you need it.

Stay strong and be encouraged

love to all

pb aka peanut butter

False and Truth of bipolar and depression no. 2

False thinking:  “Talk therapy is just whining about problems.  It doesn’t help.

Truth: Talk therapy has been tested clinically and found to be effective.  In some cases it works well with medication.  Good talk therapy helps change behaviors that can make a person’s moods less stable.

I know this to be true for me.  Sometimes when I try to share how I am feeling right before a store or while I am going through an episode whether it be depression or mania, some people have a negative view on going to a therapist or psychiatrist.  They think you are having a pity party or that they tell you what to do.  I personally have benefited from talk therapy or psychotherapy along with my medications.

I do most of the talking.  My therapist listens, gives input, helps me to see my stinking thinking (the illogical, paronoid, unrealistic, bipolar thoughts).  As we talk, I begin to get clarity as I listen to myself.  My thoughts become clearer and make more sense.  I learn new coping skills and we brainstorm to come up with ways for me to handle the storms of bipolar episodes.

My wellness toolkit resulted from an assignment from my therapist to come up with a plan for when I am depressed and when I am manic.  It works really well because if I want to maintain wellness and have shorter storms or less severe storms, I force myself to use whatever tool is appropriate for the situation, including making sure I keep my appointments with the therapist, psychiatrist and regular doctor.  They work together as part of my treatment team.

It also helps me be more aware of when a storm is coming.  As we talk, I see patterns of things that happen before I get very depressed or very manic.  I get to know when to use a tool.  Like I said, the storms will come and we cannot control when, but we can control how we weather the storm by using our tools.

Love to all

pb

mybipolarworld52@gmail.com

Related articles

• Finding the Right Therapist for Bipolar Disorder (everydayhealth.com)